Big Surprises
by basketcse
Summary: This a little humorous AU Babe HEA. It reads like a One for the Money Redux. It was a special request from a fellow author and buddy on the site and was loads of fun to write. Hope you enjoy it too. Cupcake and Helen are just mildly abused.
1. Chapter 1

These are not my characters. They belong to the author Janet Evanovich and thank you for letting us borrow them and run with our fantasies.

This is an AU story and Stephanie and Ranger behave OOC.

Special thanks to you alix33, who is a professional copy writer and did the beta work for me. I'm grateful for all your help and insights.

_**This one is for margaret aka whymelucylu. She requested it and we laid it out together. Now if you know Margaret, you know that she is a true girlfriend. She is good-hearted and kind and nurturing and loving, baby bunnies, little yellow chicks and all that stuff; EXCEPT where Morelli and Helen are concerned. I had to tell her that no, I couldn't write a scene with Morelli in a prison shower bending over to retrieve his soap and no I wasn't going to write Helen duct taped to a chair in the Rangeman interrogation room with Hector and his knives ready to disappear her from the Burg. LOL**_

_**Instead, we came up with this nice little AU Babe HEA to commemorate Stephanie Plum's birthday in October. It reads like a silly 'One for the Money' Redux which is almost what we named it.**_

_**Here's to you, Marg, and all that you do for the authors on this site!**_

**Big Surprises**

**Chapter 1**

I looked in the rearview mirror when I heard the loud clang just in time to see the sparks flying and the car behind me swerve and then the muffler switched lanes and a car in that one swerved and hit the other one and then the muffler slowed and eventually came to an innocent like stop and spun in the middle lane. I blanched just a little and mumbled, "Woops." I looked over and an uppity little old lady in a Cadillac was glaring at me. My car let out a big backfire that sounded like a gun about that time and belched out a big black cloud of smoke and the lady jumped and looked terrified for a minute and swerved across the middle lane and kept going. "Later."

My Miata that I loved was stolen by that maggot Lenny Gruber right in front of my parents' house while we were eating pot roast on Sunday. How rude is that? I was going to catch up on the payments soon. I'd been beating the streets looking for a new job since E.E. Martin closed and left me and a bunch of other people stunned and jobless. The unemployment checks that didn't amount to doodley were only coming for one more week and my pitiful bank account had just enough pennies in it to keep it open.

I had already moved into a low rent apartment back here in Trenton and had just purchased a new set of wheels and was on my desperation ride to my weirdo cousin Vinnie's bail bonds office to beg for the glamorous job of file clerk. I waved at the now really angry little old blue hair lady as she continued across the middle lane and began singing a tune that was running through my head:

_"How low can you go, how low can you go. She can go lower than I ever really thought she could._

_Face down, ass up._

_The top of yo' booty jigglin' out yo' jeans._

_Baby pull yo' pants up._

_But, how low can you go._

_Hmmmm. Mmmmm. Mmm. Mmm._

_Lower than yo' mama's ever seen it in her lifetime._

_Never would of imagined it._

_Not even in her right mind._

_I could go low, go low, lower than you know,_

_go low, go low, lower than you know."_

The brakes of my Nova squealed the heavy old rust bucket to a stop at the curb close to the bonds office and I pulled the door lever and pounded on the door a few times before it finally creaked open. I rubbed my pained ear and headed into the office. I recognized the girl in the front of the office as I walked in. "Can I help you? Hey, I know you. I was in your sister, Val's, class in high school."

"Yep, I remember you too. I was in your sister, Tina's, class. Um..Connie?"

"Yeah. Connie Rosolli."

"Stephanie Plum. I'm Vinnie's cousin." She stuck her hand out and we shook.

"Sorry about your luck." We both laughed.

"You need to see Vinnie?"

"I need a job and my Mom said that Vinnie mentioned an opening for a file clerk."

"Sorry hon, that one has been taken. All we need are bond enforcers."

"What is that job?"

Vinnie walked out of his office and said, "Something you can't do."

Connie said, "It means bounty hunters. You catch fugitives that fail to show in court and haul em' back to the cop shop."

"What does this job pay?"

"Don't matter, Stephanie. You can't do the job."

"You got a job right now, Connie?"

"Yup..."

"No!"

"Give me the details, Connie."

She grinned and said, "You get ten percent of the bond and this one is decent and you would find this one_ real_ interesting. Ten percent on it would pay $10,000 and it's Joseph Morelli."

I laughed. "Give it to me. All I have to do is catch him and take his ass to jail?"

"Hell no, don't give it to her."

"Vinnie, either you let me try or I'm calling Lucille about your infatuation with the pond floozy."

Connie busted out laughing. "Haha! Shit! That was a good one. Duck, pond floozy."

Vinnie grouched out, "Fine! You have a week to bring him in. Connie, do the paperwork and tell her what she needs to do to keep me out of trouble and out of court."

Connie got up and came back with some handcuffs, some pepper spray and a bullet proof vest. A bullet proof vest? Shit. She pushed some papers toward me and I filled them out. "I got an idea. I'm gonna' call this other bounty hunter that does work for us and see if he'll give you some tips and help get you started."

"That would be great. What's his name?"

"Ranger."

"Ranger?"

"Yeah. I think it's like a street name."

She made the call and talked a couple minutes and hung up.

"You got a date in one hour at that diner on the corner of Haywood and State."

"Oh. Okay. What does he look like?"

She snorted. "Look around the diner and when fireworks start going off in your underpants and you're left standing there with smoke comin' outta' your backside, you found him."

"Holy smokes. What happens when you get close to him? Will they explode?" Connie burst out laughing again.

"Good one. Go get em', tiger, and call if you need me."

I beat the stupid door for five minutes and it finally opened, which probably just helped my lungs because it took that long for the black smoke to clear away from the car. I gave myself a quick check in the rearview and touched up my hair and lip gloss, grabbed my handbag and folder and got out. I had on a short plaid skirt and a blue jean jacket and Mary Jane heels. Not a tough guy bounty hunter outfit, but maybe he wouldn't say no to helping me if I flashed plenty of leg. They were two of my better attributes.

I walked into the diner and scanned it and then my eyes zeroed in on a corner booth and stopped. Holy Moly. I had found the target and my panties were now on self-destruct and would probably be gone by the time I reached the table. Damn. Nice trick. Smoking the pants off girls with a look.

He was looking my way, but I couldn't tell if he was looking at me because he had sunglasses on. He had like light milk chocolate skin and muscles like a bodybuilder. His hair was long and dark and pulled back in a ponytail. I couldn't tell from this far away or with his glasses on if he was African American, Indian or some other ethnicity. I hadn't realized that I had stood there that long until he pulled his glasses off and took his pointer finger and gave me the come here motion. What did I do? I showed him the ditzy me. I took my pointer finger and touched my chest and mouthed, "Me?"

Oh jeez. Then a smile spread across his face and I looked behind me for that smoke Connie was talking about. The man was gorgeous and that smile was toothpaste commercial perfect and lit up his whole handsome face. I swallowed and made my feet start moving forward.

When I got close, he looked down at my feet and slowly ran his eyes up my body and locked on to my eyes and motioned for me to sit down. I didn't sit in the seat actually, I kind of melted into it like the puddle I had been reduced to after that look. I smiled at him. Neither one of us said anything for a couple minutes.

Finally, I broke the silence, "So, you must be Ranger." He nodded.

"I'm Stephanie Plum. Connie said that you might give me some bounty hunter tips to help me get started."

"Babe, what was your last job?"

Babe? "The name is Steph or Stephanie. Not babe. What is your real name, Ranger? What kind of a name is that anyway? Did you used to be a park ranger or something? You know, guarding picnic baskets against Yogi and Boo Boo." I noticed the corners of his mouth twitching. His eyes went to the folder and he spoke.

"You have a job?" I waved the folder at him.

"Yep. I'm gonna' enjoy this one too. Gonna' see if I can scrape some skin off his ass dragging him up the station steps." His mouth was twitching again. Jeez. This guy was like a zero and a half in the personality department. Didn't hardly talk at all. Hot guy, use..your..words. Oh, frick. Forgot. Who needs words when you can pick up a girl from fifty feet away and render her pantieless with a look.

The damn twitching had turned into a grin and he said, "Did..you lose them on the way to the table?"

"Them? What…? Oh, crap. Did I just speak an entire paragraph out loud?" He nodded.

"That..uh..personality rating, it's flexible. Just kidding." I was saved by the waitress that had arrived. He motioned for me to give my order first.

"Um..I'll have the chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes with extra gravy and green beans and slather them really good with butter and bacon drippings. What kind of cake do you have? Do you have Boston Creme Pie?"

The waitress said, "Yes."

"I want that and sweet tea and um..a chocolate milkshake." She turned to Ranger and he was still staring at me with his brows raised. "Well, chop chop? I'm hungry here." I made a face at him.

He ordered a bottled water and a house salad with low fat Italian dressing. Seriously?

I forked another mouthful of the delicious cake and moaned as I kept licking and trying to get that last bit of cream off my lip with my tongue. During the meal, I had gotten out of the guy that his name was Ricardo Carlos Manoso. He was Cuban-American and he went by Carlos. The street name came from his time in the Army. He was in the Rangers and he was an officer and a leader. He had family in Newark and Miami. I had given him my background and told him about my measly two years of college and the business degree and losing my job. Boy, once I started eating it had been easy to loosen him up and get him to talk. He kept shifting around in his seat and staring at me and swallowing and spilled like I was torturing him or something.

When I finished my last bite of cake and slurped the last of my milkshake and sat back and rubbed my belly, I noticed he sat back and relaxed too. I said, "So, Carlos. You gonna' help me or what? You need something else to eat? All that you sitting there has to need more fuel." I measured him with my arms and made a face.

"All this me?"

"Yeah."

He groaned. "Babe, I am really hungry. For you. I want to take you back to my apartment and use up all those calories you just consumed."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you making a sexual advance?"

"I have never wanted to fuck a woman so bad in my life as I do right now."

"Well, I nev...Wait..? Really? Me?" He slowly nodded. I started counting in my head the number of months it had been since I had enjoyed anything better than my shower massager or my own digit and better had never been by much at all anyway. So, I made a quick decision and leaned toward him and said, "Lets go."

He threw a big bill on the table and grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door and to a Cadillac Escalade and put me in the passenger seat and hopped in the other side and looked at me and took off out of the lot. I said to him, "Carlos, I only have safe sex."

"Works for me."

"I'm only doing this because it has been a long time. What position do you like?"

"What?"

"I don't like doggie or butt stuff. Do you require a blow job?"

"What...? Require?"

"I just want to be prepared, okay. I'm nervous and I've only been with two people and a Dickie. Actually, his name should have been Beanie Weenie. That was about the size of things. How big is yours?"

"Babe..?"

"Oh...I'm sorry. Well that's okay. Like they say, it's not the size of the ship… I hear that bodybuilders sometimes gain muscle in some places and lose it in others. I'm sure that it's not really that small."

"Babe, stop talking."

"Oh, okay. One last question? Do you do this often?"

"Never."

"Oh, good. Neither do I. I don't feel so bad now."

He slowed at a large building about a mile from the diner and clicked his key fob and a gate opened in a garage area under the building. He pulled into a space close to the elevator.

"Primo parking space. I have a sucky space a mile from my building." He smiled at me and I almost whimpered. Then he got out and opened my door and took my hand.

We got in the elevator and he hit a button and clicked his fobby thing and we went up to number seven. The door opened and there was only three doors up here and two were stair doors. He did the fob click again and pulled me into the apartment. It was big and nice and I wanted to look around, but he pulled me through to the bedroom.

He stood there just smiling at me and I was suddenly a nervous Nelly. "Do you mind turning around and I'll undress and then I'll get in and turn away and you can undress and I won't look at it. Okay?"

He busted out laughing. "You really don't have much experience, do you?"

I put my hands on my hips. "Don't laugh at me. I'm trying to be cooperative, I'm initiating this thing. Now turn around and soon we'll get your little boat under way."

He laughed again and turned around and crossed his arms.

I hurried and undressed and folded my clothes and laid them on his dresser and jumped in the bed and pulled the sheet up to my neck. I turned my head. "Okay, your turn."

I heard a noise next to me and opened my eyes. He looked down at me and toed off his boots and pulled off his t-shirt in front of me. Oh my goodness. All of it goodness. I counted more than a six pack and it all looked damn good. The sprinkling of hair and the happy trail. He put his hand on his zipper and moved it down and I closed my eyes out of respect. He was being so brave.

I felt his hand reach under the sheet and he took my hand and then pulled it out and toward him and then I touched it. Except it wasn't an it. Eek! It was an_** IT**_. It wasn't a boat. It wasn't even a cargo ship, it was a freaking _destroyer_. I pulled my hand back like I just touched a snake and rolled over. Respect? Hell yes! I respect anybody that can walk straight up carrying that load on the front end! No wonder he has to work out. I heard a guffaw. Shit!

With my eyes tightly closed, I said, "I don't think this was such a good idea after all. Can you package that thing back up and turn away from me so that I can get dressed again."

I felt the bed dip behind me and a big arm wrapped around me. "Babe, are you afraid of my size?"

"Most definitely."

"You don't need to be. You can accommodate me and comfortably. That's the way nature made women. You'll stretch and expand when you need to."

"This is a really weird topic of conversation being that we hardly know each other."

"I don't want to scare you. Maybe, you would be more comfortable doing some exploring. Why don't you touch me." I raised an eyebrow. Hmmm. I reached my hand back and contacted with a smooth thigh. Not bad. He put his hand over mine and moved it slowly the rest of the way up his thigh and over his butt. Mmm..soft butt too for a man. Nothing like Dickie's hairy buns. "Why don't you roll over and take over." Well, if he insists.

TBC-


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you very much for the reviews. Marg and I enjoyed reading them very much. Keep them coming!**

_Previously - _

_"I don't want to scare you. Maybe, you would be more comfortable doing some exploring. Why don't you touch me." I raised an eyebrow. Hmmm. I reached my hand back and contacted with a smooth thigh. Not bad. He put his hand over mine and moved it slowly the rest of the way up his thigh and over his butt. Mmm..soft butt too for a man. Nothing like Dickie's hairy buns. "Why don't you roll over and take over." Well, if he insists._

Warning - Smut Alert. Not seriously bad and it is the most graphic in the story.

**Chapter 2**

Now that my interest and curiosity was fully piqued, I rolled over and looked at his body laying above the covers. It was the best male body that I had ever seen up close. I started at his feet and worked my way up his legs, his hips, his stomach and chest. He had a tattoo on his left arm. It had an Army Rangers banner over a knife with a ribbon wrapped around it that said, 'Death Before Dishonor'. I ran my hands gently down it then moved to his neck and his handsome face. Last, I reached back up and pulled the leather tie from his silky hair and I ran my fingers through it and he groaned. I smiled at him.

"So, you like your head touched?"

"Yes, very much."

"I do too. You have very nice hair and a really great body. You don't even have hairy buns." He chuckled and reached for me.

"Thank you. Kiss me, Stephanie. I've wanted to kiss you since I first saw you walk in that diner." I laid over his broad chest and pressed my lips to his. They were so sexy when he wore his unique brand of smirk and they were full and soft now. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me tighter and took over the kiss and licked my bottom lip and pressed his tongue between my lips urging me to open for him. He explored me with a magnificent gentleness and I was lost in the kiss. I think we both moaned before the kiss was broken. Oh, my. Speaking of magnificent. That tongue was something else too.

His smoky eyes were filled with lust and he smiled at me and said, "I think that this is going to be _very_ good, Babe. I'm taking over now and I'm going to make you very happy."

I didn't disagree at all. "I can use a little happy, I love happy."

He took my mouth again and pulled the sheet away from me and began an erotic assault on my body with that tongue and those lips. He started below my ear and kissed and licked down to my breasts where he teased me and suckled me until I almost had an orgasm dancing at my nether door just from the stimulation between his skillful tongue and fingers. I felt his long heavy erection against me and I was rubbing my hand down his back and then rubbing soft circles around his taut butt.

He groaned again and I said, "You like your head and your butt rubbed?" I snickered at the big hard man that liked such soft gentle touches. He raised his head and smiled at me. "Those aren't my favorite places. You haven't gotten there yet."

I smirked at him. "It's all about the penis with you guys."

"Yes, and all about this particular spot with you women." He slid down my body quickly before I realized what he was doing and grabbed something small, pink, private, and sensitive between his teeth and sucked it hard. I yipped and nearly came up off the bed. "Whoa..wait, stop. No, go, go." I felt a long finger slowly disappearing down there and I yelped again and he started circling my rose bud with his tongue. Ooh, the tingling began and was spreading through my body now. Oh boy, what he was doing?

"Mmmm. Put your knees up and spread them wide for me, Babe." I blushed at the thought of being wide open to him like that.

He looked up and grinned, "Babe, you're blushing here and it's cute."

Aww, that just made me blush again. "Why..why do you want me to do that?" I was breathing hard.

"You're so pretty here. I want to see you when you come for me."

"Well, odd kind of sweet-talker you are. Okay." He chuckled and I moved my legs into the position he requested.

"Very nice. Thank you, Babe." He put another finger in me and attacked me again with his tongue and it took no time until I started quivering and gushed with pleasure from a fantastic orgasm. "Yah..oh..oh..Ooh." He looked up at me. "Babe, you're holding back. When you have the next one, let go."

"Next one? You mean I get more than one? In that case, I'll do my best not to let you down. You have some more tricks up your sleeve?" He chuckled.

"Not up my sleeve. I want you to touch me and guide me inside you."

"So, the big moment. When you torpedo me with that big..." I pointed to it. "Should I expect my lights to go out?"

He laughed. "It's never happened before. I want you wide awake to enjoy this with me. I'm letting you take over again. You're driving."

"Really? Okay. This is different." I reached down and put my hand around him. He was really large and heavy and so very hard. I ran my hand down his shaft and felt his balls, make that big balls and held them in my hand and he groaned again. "Found another spot, huh."

"Yeah, you did. Now run your finger underneath and past them down that line."

"You mean toward your..?"

"Yes."

"But not your..?"

"I like that too. We don't have to go there this time." I breathed a sigh of relief and he chuckled again.

"Okay. Here I go." I placed my fingers under his balls and rubbed the place up and down and he groaned louder and I think he got bigger. Yikes!

"I'm going to stop now because you're growing again and I'm already a little nervous." He laughed.

He produced a..giant..condom and my eyes bugged out as he rolled it on and said, "Guide me inside. You're ready, Babe."

I mumbled, "If that thing is like a meat thermometer, I can tell you already I'm gonna' be done when you put it in."

"Babe..." His mouth was twitching again.

I took him in my hand and guided him to my entrance and stopped and looked at him. He rubbed against me gently and kissed me. "Trust me, you'll feel very good in a minute." I pushed him into my entrance and slowly moved my hips up toward him. Wow. He really filled me, but didn't hurt me at all.

"I think you can take over now. I'm good." He took my mouth in his and gave me some more of those gentle and sweet kisses as he slowly kept pushing in until he was all the way there. "Agh..shit, Babe. You feel good. You okay?"

"Ohhh, yes. Move it. Let's see what you can do with this destroyer." He grinned and began slowly moving and I think I just discovered that I do in fact have a g-spot and I felt it now. Oh, did I feel it.

"I'm so happy. I heard about em', I just thought I got gypped and left without one."

"One what?"

"The g-spot." He chuckled.

"You feel it?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to move just a little and tell me if you feel it more or less." He slid over my right hip just a little and raised his leg and I was almost immediately ready to sing the Hallelujah Chorus.

"That's it. Now work it right..there." He began kissing me again and driving me insane with his hot tongue and oh here it comes…

"Oh..oh..eeh..eeh..agh..agh..ooh..ooh."

He looked at my face. "Babe. Just yell out, scream. Better yet, scream my name."

"Oh..ooh..okay. Ohhhhh...ARNOLD!" I exploded into a million pieces and a minute later he growled and yelled out. After our twitching and spasms finally calmed, he rolled us both over still panting.

"Babe?"

"Yep. You were very good and it is sooo..not small at all."

"No. Who's Arnold?"

"Oh..heh..hea..hea. Noticed that, did you?"

"All men notice when a woman yells another man's name during an orgasm."

"Well, it wasn't like that. When I saw your body, the thought crossed my mind that it reminded me of Arnold Schwarzenegger's. I just met you. I couldn't think very clearly when the moment came."

He laughed. "Ah..that would make perfect sense."

"Would you prefer Rambo or Sylvester?"

"Let's work on Carlos or Ranger."

"Okay. That was pretty good, huh?"

"It was very good."

"Is this going to be like a one night or it's still day technically, stand? I would like to get to know you. You don't talk much, but we could work on that. Or, do you have a girl already?"

"I don't have a steady girl and I don't do relationships."

"Oh, I see. Will you still help me with the bounty hunter job?"

"I have a better idea. Let me take the Morelli job and I'll give you a cut and you come to work here for me."

"Seriously? Doing what job?"

"Customer Service Director and Business Liaison."

"Wow that's a mouthful. Wait a minute. That's not some made-up job and you plan to keep me in your office liaisoning you all day long?" He chuckled.

"It's a real job. We do security and need someone, preferably a woman that customers will be comfortable talking to. Most of my men look like me and talk like me and some people are intimidated. Your sales background works and your people skills and we have other jobs that we need a woman for. We just had a conversation about this subject recently. I think you would fit here well."

"Yeah, you're not too hot in the communication area. You said here? We're in an apartment building."

"Babe, I'm used to stealth and communicating with signals, not my mouth. This is my building. This is an office building with some apartments in it."

"Really? That's pretty neat. It's kind of awkward though. I've slept with the boss."

"Yes and I want to do it again, now."

"So, would it be less awkward if I say yes to the job after?" He rolled me on my back, grabbed a condom, slid easily into me again and began kissing the shit out me. Oh, yum. I loved his sugar.

This time when my orgasm hit me, I yelled out, "YES, YES, YESSSSS!"

So we showered together and had dinner in his apartment. A lady brought a tray for us and he introduced me. Her name was Ella. "Thank you for the dinner, Ella. I'm happy to meet you."

"It will be so nice to have another woman here now. Welcome to Rangeman, Stephanie."

"Thank You."

I made a face at Carlos. "You have a woman that cooks your meals and I guess takes care of your apartment. Does she wash your skivvies too?"

"I don't wear skivvies. Silk boxers occasionally."

"Don't you get that monster of yours caught in your zipper now and then? Doesn't it feel strange just hanging out down there wiggling and wallering around? What do you do if you have an accident?"

He grinned at me. "Babe..? Eat your dinner."

"Inquiring minds want to know these things."

"By the way, you get a company car. I saw what you drove up to the diner in and I'm not taking you back to it. I'm having it hauled to the dump.

"Hey! I just bought that car. I paid $500 big ones for it." He barked with laughter.

"I'll give you the big ones back if you let me have it hauled away. What kind of car do you want?"

"Are you really serious here?"

"Yes."

"I would just be happy to get my little red Miata back. It was repo'd by Lenny the maggot the other day."

"Miata? Let me get you something better. Do you like BMWs?"

"I always kind of liked the Lexus cars."

"What color do you want?"

"Oh, surprise me. I'm treating this conversation like you're joking. The words 'sugar daddy' rather than 'boss' comes to mind. Are you rich?"

"I have accumulated some wealth."

"Boss?" He rolled his eyes up at me doing the mouth twitch thing again.

"Trying it out. This is going to be awkward because you already have me addicted to free willy down there in the pants." The twitch went to a grin and then spread.

"How about we agree that you can satisfy your addiction whenever you want outside of work hours."

"Okay. Put it in my contract as part of my benefits package and we have a deal."

"Babe…"

He drove me to my apartment that night and walked me up. I invited him in and he looked around. "Babe, I would like to offer you a Rangeman apartment as well. We'll have one ready in about a week."

"I kind of like this apartment. It has character." Just at that moment we heard an eruption that sounded like a loud groaning ending in a fart noise and then kind of a burp pass through the plumbing system of the building and then my front door creaked and opened on its own. We both turned to look at it. I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled at him. "Told you."

"Babe…"

"I'll just stay here. You can give that apartment of yours to someone else that doesn't already have a place." He sighed and nodded.

"So, when do I start the job?"

"Day after tomorrow. I'll give you my card and you can go buy yourself some business wear, suits with skirts and buy some sexy clothes as well. We have another job that I'm thinking for you. We provide uniforms for the employees." He pulled an Amex company card out of his wallet and handed it to me.

"You'll get your own corporate card and keys to the garage, office and my apartment. There will be some training requirements that are standard for all my employees and we'll go over those later."

I was thinking about the sexy wear and making a face and looking at the Amex card. "Okay. I have a request."

"Yes?"

"I was serious about skinning Morelli's ass. I want to be there when you bring him in." He grinned at me.

"Okay. We can work that out. Give me your phone number."

I got my phone out and said, "So, this is promising. Asking for my number before you leave. Give me yours." He gave me a number and I called it and his phone vibrated. I looked down and grinned and reached in his pants pocket and dug around a little more than I needed to and extracted a big grin from him and the phone. "You have a speed dial number open?"

"Make it one. I'll move that one." I looked at him with raised eyebrows. Interesting. He wants my number and just made me speed dial one on a first.. boink and he doesn't do relationships. Something is very strange here with this man.

"Really?" I brought up aps and quickly typed in my special ringtone for him. His response was raised eyebrows at what I was doing with his phone. When I handed it back, he put his big arms around me and looked into my eyes and gave me one of those warm and tender kisses I was falling in love with already.

"Goodnight, Babe."

"Goodnight, Arnold." I yelped as he pinched me before letting me go and walking out of my apartment. Sigh. What a man...And, what a day...

TBC -

**A/N** Some of you blood thirsty broads wanted to see Marg's torture dreams for Morelli and Helen come to life. So, she wrote a short called "Why Me" and is due to post shortly after this. And, you women call me twisted? Sheesh! Go check it out at _**margaret aka whymelucylu**._


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for all the reviews. Definitely keep the reviews coming! Glad you are enjoying our silly ditty.**

Previously-

_"Goodnight, Babe."_

_"Goodnight, Arnold." I yelped as he pinched me before letting me go and walking out of my apartment. Sigh. What a man...And, what a day..._

**Chapter 3**

**Ranger's POV**

Connie deserves payback for that phone call this afternoon. I just don't know yet whether to kiss her or kill her, because I think my neat and tidy life just got shaken and flipped upside down. My life was all orderly and laid out for the future until that little curly headed nymph walked into that diner in her little schoolgirl outfit and my dick stood up and refused to obey. It still hasn't really gone down. Every time she opened her mouth with those cute little lips and said something totally surprising, totally kooky or weird, my dick saluted her and praised her for her words.

I have been captured and tortured in a cell in the jungle and it wasn't as painful as watching her eat that sloppy plate of food as she moaned and made animal sounds and licked grease and gravy and cream off her lips while she looked at me and smiled. I adjusted myself again just thinking about it. I mumbled, "At fucking ease already, you got to fuck her four times!" By the time she slurped the last of that milkshake, I was sweating and spent and she had interrogated most everything she wanted to know out of me and I had spilled.

If she hadn't agreed to fuck me, I would have gotten down on my knees in a public place and begged her. I took her to my apartment, my building, my domain where no woman ever goes except for Tía Ella. Then I invited her into my life further and offered her a job and wanted to ask her to move in with me because I didn't want to let her go. I wanted to give her anything she wanted to make her happy before she left the dinner table and she had called me on it and called me a 'sugar daddy'. I laughed to myself just thinking about it. Yeah, never thought I would be called one of those and it was that bad.

The sex had just made it worse. She makes love with the same fervor that she does when she attacks a greasy meal. Sheer enthusiasm and appreciation for the act and the pleasure it brings her. The shy and timid woman I was expecting because of her inexperience had not been the one in bed with me moving and making those sounds. I didn't want to cum every time because I didn't want it to end. I loved watching her, I loved everything about her. Shit, Manoso! What's your strategy for dealing with this assault?

I pulled into my 'primo' parking space back at Rangeman and smiled. Then I got out and headed to the elevator and to the control room on level five. I met Bobby Brown as I passed the monitoring station. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "You high, man?"

"Hell no. I don't get high anymore."

"You're grinning."

"Fuck…"

He laughed. "What's up with you, hermano?"

"I need my head examined."

"Not my specialty. Who put that smile on your face?"

"A feisty little curly headed brunette and she'll be starting work here day after next."

"No shit! I can't wait to meet this woman."

"I guarantee she won't disappoint."

"What job did you give her?"

"I put her in the customer service and liaison position we talked about. She's perfect and the customers will love her. She seems tough enough and is pretty much fearless. Then again, she's oddly kooky."

He cracked up. "Oh, man. What the hell did she do to the mighty Manoso?"

"Zip it fucker! Where are you off to?"

"I'm meeting some guys at Shorty's for a couple beers. You want to come?"

"Yeah. Damn, I could use a beer." He slapped my back and we headed back to the elevator.

**Stephanie's POV**

I did my bedtime routine and went in my bedroom and flopped back onto my bed. I closed my eyes remembering all of the happy that I had received this afternoon. I had gotten a job to boot. The guy really turned out to be sweet. Although, I was still just a little leary. Until I saw an office and workers and a desk and a chair and a paycheck, I wasn't buying it. I didn't have a reason not to trust him, but this was looking more like a kept woman situation than anything else. Not my cup-o-tea.

I would take the card and buy one suit and one sexy outfit and ensemble to go with them and then we would see where this was going the next day. I sat up. Crap! I shouldn't leave my car there for him to scrap. What if this was all a bunch of hooty? Dang it! I got up and quickly dressed. I went and grabbed my hand bag and looked in my wallet. One dollar. I wouldn't be cabbing it to the diner. I ran back to my bedroom and changed into my sneakers.

It was just late enough where I couldn't go knocking on doors for a ride. I headed outside and started walking. Three damned miles I was going to have to hoof it to Haywood. Maybe with some luck on my side and if I swing my hips a little, I can get a pervert free ride most of the way. Not being the type of girl that liked to feel the burn, I was getting tired and cranky after mile two. Then a red jeep slowed to a stop and pulled over in front of me. I walked up closer and saw a blue jean jacket clad arm hanging over the window and stood a couple feet away from it and looked in. The guy smiled at me and appraised me with those dark bedroom eyes undressing me from head to toe and said, "Cupcake, fancy meeting you on the side of the road."

I narrowed my eyes. Fancy my luck and I growled out, "Morelli, long time no see."

"Indeed. You need a ride someplace?"

"Yeah. To the diner at the corner of Haywood and State."

He nodded and said, "Get in. I'll take you."

I got in on the passenger side and buckled in. I was feeling nervous on the outside and fucking bold on the inside. I got this, I think.

He glanced over at me and said, "Cupcake, you're looking good. How are you?"

I gave him a coquettish smile and batted my eyelashes at him. "I'm doing very well now, Joseph."

He whispered in a sexy tone, "Mmmm...I think I see something big in your future, you sexy thing." Barf! I would have to take a shower before I got back in my bed, but that's okay.

He pulled in the diner lot and I got out. I had been planning something crazy in my head. Shit! I had nothing but crazy to work with here. I knew nothing about bounty hunting! I got out of his Jeep and went to the driver side window and said, "Can you come to the back of my car and check something for me, please?" I swung my hips on the way to my car and opened the trunk.

He got out and ambled over. Frick! Why did he have to look so good in his tight jeans and tousled hair with that bad boy Italian swagger and shit eating grin of his. Best he didn't know that it was about to be removed from his face. I opened my trunk and he grimaced and asked, "What's the problem?"

I pointed, "Way back there." He stuck about half his body in the trunk and I stepped back and aimed for his fine ass and I ran at it and shoved with all my might and he yelled and toppled into the trunk and I pushed the boot that was sticking out in and slammed the trunk lid and ran and jumped in the driver's seat.

I stuck my key in and turned it and then turned it again and finally a blast of black smoke erupted from the rear and I backed out and squealed out of the parking lot heading to the Trenton PD. I heard banging and cursing the whole way there. I think I heard him yell that he couldn't breathe. I said, "Good, then we won't have to listen to any more of your screaming like a bitch back there or your bad sexual innuendo."

Pulling into the police station, I jumped out and ran inside. There weren't many people on duty this time of night. Then a head popped out of the booking area and it was my good friend Eddie Gazarra who was married to my whiner cousin Shirley. "Steph?"

"Hey Eddie, I need some help."

"You in trouble?"

"No. I'm working for Vinnie and I brought Joe Morelli in."

"You what?"

"He's in my trunk. Can you get him?"

"Your trunk?"

"Hey, I'm new at this and it was the only idea I had to get him here."

He yelled for back up and followed me outside to my car. He furrowed his brows when he saw the car. I rolled my eyes and opened the trunk. A very pissed off Joe Morelli growled at us and we all jumped back.

I said, "Joe..you..are at the police station. You..uh..didn't show for court. So, I brought you in."

"What? You have no idea what you've done! I have been trying to prove my innocence in this mess I'm in! I didn't kill a man and lives are at stake here, goddammit! Stephanie, if I can't get back out, it's on your shoulders to find the fucking truth."

"What? My shoulders? Since when do you give a good crapola about a woman's shoulders? You're a sleazy tomcat and I don't give a shit if you rot in jail!"

"Maybe. But, I'm innocent of murder. I'm a police officer, not a killer. I was working on a case when I was framed."

"Save it for the judge, Morelli."

"Cupcake, I'm telling the truth. It was self-defense. Ziggy had a gun. A guy named Louis must have picked up the gun. I'm trying to find him. I was investigating some missing hookers."

I put my hands in my ear. "Lalalalalalalala. Take him away, boys." Joe glared at me.

"Do you know what will happen to me if I go to prison, Stephanie? I'm a cop. I'll be raped and passed around before I'm killed. Do you want that on your conscience?"

"Stop putting your guilt trip on me, Joe. What do I owe you? Nothing. You never cared about how you treated me or how I felt about it." Eddie and the other cop walked him away and up the stairs.

Eddie yelled back, "Come in and get your body receipt for bringing him in, Steph."

"Shit!" I kicked the tire on the old Nova and grabbed my foot cursing. "Fuck you, Morelli! I'm sleeping tonight!" I limped into the station and waited for the receipt and then fired up my piece of shit car and headed home to my warm bed.

I woke to my phone ringing and reached to the nightstand and grabbed it. "Yello?"

"Babe?"

"Hey, Arnold."

"Carlos or Ranger."

"Right. 'Sup?"

"Your car is gone? Know anything about that?"

"Um..Yeah. You were going to have it hauled off."

"Was. It's not at the diner. You have any idea where it is?"

"Maybe."

"Where is it?"

"Look. I need it. It's a perfectly fine car."

"What do you need that thing for if you're getting a brand new car?"

"Bounty hunting."

"Babe..?"

"I took Morelli in last night." There was silence on the line for a couple minutes.

"You got Morelli?"

"Yup. I'm really tired though. Bounty hunting takes a lot out of a girl. Can I go back to sleep now?"

He chuckled. "Yes, Babe. Get your rest because this conversation just got me really hot and I'm coming over tonight with dinner and we're going to fuck, again."

"Goody. See you then. Bye."

TBC -

A/N - Please stop encouraging Margaret. She makes me watch her weave her twisted Helen tale. I'm starting to get nightmares.


	4. Chapter 4

**Love the reviews! Glad you appreciate this quirky take on the original story which was a great book and led us all here.**

**Chapter 4**

**Ranger's POV**

I hung up the phone grinning like an idiot and my dick was rock hard, again. Damn, that woman. There was a knock on my office door. "Enter!"

Tank walked in and looked at me and grimaced. "Fuck, Boss. You're grinning at me like I just grew tits and a va'jj. Bob said you were actin' weird, man. What gives?"

I tried my damnedest to pull off my blank face and I just couldn't.

"Uh, oh. It's got ta' be a woman. Who is she?"

"You'll meet her tomorrow. I hired her."

"Aww, no. You can't hire a woman you're sleepin' with, dude."

"Tank, she's perfect for the customer service and liaison job and she just hauled in a skip last night by herself with a 100k bond and it was her first."

"No shit?" Now he was grinning.

I laughed. "She'll fit here. It's hard to describe her. You'll meet her in the morning at the meeting."

"What's her name?"

"Stephanie Plum."

Tank left my office and I sat there with the stupid grin. I might as well plan on staying in here doing paperwork the rest of the day. If I go out I'll lose major badass face with my men. Shit, man. I'm in trouble. I picked up the phone and checked on the new Lexus ES 350 in dark blue I picked for her to see how soon it would be here.

When the Lexus arrived, I decided to drive it to her apartment. I had spent the whole morning grinning and shuffling papers and I really wanted to see her. I pulled into the lot and parked it as far away from other cars as I could and on the way to the door I spied that worn out beast she called a bounty hunter car and grinned. I started to knock on her door and then decided to pick the lock and remove the chain and let myself in. It was quiet except for a squeak and I went to investigate and in the kitchen I found a little rodent running on a wheel. I chuckled. The pet actually fit her personality.

I moved quietly through the apartment and stopped at her bedroom doorway. She was asleep on her side and hugging the extra pillow in the bed and her wild hair was fanned out on the pillow she was laying on. I smiled and walked over and removed the one she was hugging and replaced it with my body. She put her arm around me and started groaning and grumbling and smacking at my chest and then she suddenly punched me in the groin with her little fist. "Ouch! Shit!"

She raised up and yipped and scrambled out of bed and grabbed a bat from underneath the bed and smacked it at me. I jumped out just before it would have made contact. She stared at me and blinked a couple times and growled, "What the hell, Arnold?"

"Babe, stop calling me that."

"Whatever. What are you doing in my apartment and in my bed?"

"I came to deliver your new car. You looked cute hugging that pillow. Thought you'd enjoy hugging me better."

"My pillow is soft. There is nothing about you that's soft." Exactly my thoughts since I laid eyes on her and I gave her my best wolf grin.

"After meeting you, I don't think that I will ever be soft again."

Her face did soften and she smiled. "Are you doing your strange version of sweet talking again? And, am I talking to my sugar daddy or my boss here? Did you say you came with a new car?"

"Babe..? Yes. The car is outside."

"Really?"

"Yes. Get dressed and you can drive me back to Rangeman and drop me off and do your shopping."

"Okay. Would you go in the kitchen while I shower and feed Rex a grape out of the fridge, please."

"Rex? Would that be the rodent?"

"He's not a rodent. He's my hamster."

"Right. I'll feed him."

She headed off to the shower and I went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator and found a plastic bag full of grapes and picked a couple out and opened the hamster cage and dropped them in a bowl inside. He backed his round butt out of a can in the enclosure and turned and wiggled his whiskers at me. "Nice to meet you, pal. I'm not Arnold." He grabbed a grape and stuffed it in his little cheek and went back in the can showing me his butt again. "Yo, little dude. I wouldn't exactly call that male bonding outside of a jailhouse shower."

Stephanie emerged from her shower and walked in the kitchen smiling at me. "How did you get in. I know I locked my door."

"I picked the lock."

"Is that a trade skill of yours?"

"Yes. I would offer to take you to lunch. but I don't know if I could take it and still go back to work."

She grinned at me and picked up a receipt and waved it.

"You want to go with me to see Connie?"

"I've been thinking about that. Did you enjoy the action? The capture?"

"I enjoyed making Morelli suffer."

"We'll talk about Morelli later. My question is, do you enjoy being in the office more or out in the field?"

"I don't really know yet. It was kind of fun."

"I'm thinking that we should train you like we do all our employees at Rangeman. To do a specific job that you're hired for and to work in the field if necessary."

She shrugged. "Whatever you think."

"Lets go see your car. I like it."

She grabbed her bag and followed me out and we walked up to the blue Lexus and she looked at it and then to me.

"This is really mine and why again?"

"It's a company car. All of our employees are issued a vehicle."

"Every employee?"

"Yes. Every car is part of a fleet. They're all used for work at some time."

She turned and suddenly jumped in my arms and wrapped her legs around my hips and started kissing me. "It is the most beautiful car that I've ever seen. Thank you."

I chuckled. "You're welcome, Babe. I'm glad you like it." I handed her the keys and she squealed and took them and opened the car doors.

**Stephanie's POV**

We walked in to the bonds office together and Connie looked up. "Hey, girl, hey, Ranger. How's it going? You good? He taking care of you?" I looked up at him and couldn't help it. I made a fart sound with my mouth and burst into a fit of giggles at the irony of her words. All he had done was share with me his experience doing the horizontal happy dance and I had nailed Morelli on my own. Connie had a puzzled look on her face and I handed her the receipt.

To say that she was shocked was an understatement. She got up and knocked on Vinnie's door. He walked out grumbling and looked at me and snarked, "You giving up already? Hey, Ranger. The Morelli file is yours now."

Connie said, "It's off the books, Vinnie."

"What do you mean?"

"Stephanie took him in and she did it in one fuckin' day! Ah..ha..ha..ha." She was laughing.

"Let me see that receipt!" She held it out and waved it at him. Carlos was quiet through the exchange.

Vinnie croaked, "You're hired."

Carlos cleared his throat then and said, "I offered her a job first, Vincent. She's going to work for Rangeman starting tomorrow."

"You can't do that. I need her." Connie snorted.

"Find another BEA. Rangeman will pick up some slack until you do."

Vinnie just scowled and nodded and went back in his office and slammed the door. We waited while Connie wrote me out a check. When she handed it to me, I whimpered and my eyes glazed over.

I was happy all over again today and I kissed it. This was real dollar signs and through the haze I was seeing the end of the rainbow, the pot of gold, food in my fridge, manicures, new shoes, real independence again. Carlos put his arm around my waist and moved me out the door. I stuck my hand up and waved bye to Connie.

My car was so nice and it had everything luxury that you could think of, grey leather seats, sound system, GPS system like OnStar and power everything. I loved it, but somehow it still just didn't seem like mine. There was something about writing that check and driving away that makes it your own. I looked over at Carlos. "Love the car, but give me a few days before you haul off Rusty."

"Why?"

"Because, the job, us, it might not work out. It's too soon."

He nodded and became serious. "Maybe at the meeting tomorrow morning when you meet my partners and you have the job contract in hand and see your new office, you'll feel more comfortable. I've already told two of my partners about you. I want you to know that I'm very proud of the way you handled your first skip."

"Thanks. One more thing."

"Yes?"

"I don't want to sleep with you tonight. I don't want to meet your men with the freshly fucked look. I want them to respect me a little."

"Babe, I wouldn't tolerate them disrespecting you."

I smiled at him. "I don't think you would, but still…"

"Alright. I won't come tonight." I snickered at that remark and he made a face and grinned and handed me a keyfob as we pulled up to the building. He showed me the garage button and I clicked it and it opened. "Keep this fob. Those four primo spaces you like near the elevator doors are mine. One is now yours. You can pull the car in there." When I put the car in park, he leaned over and gave me one of those sweet kisses that I loved and said, "Meeting is at 0900. Go to level five. That's where the control room and most of the offices are. Happy shopping, Babe."

"Thanks, Carlos. You've been really sweet to me." He smiled and kissed me on the cheek and got out.

I rolled by the bank in my new wheels and put my big check in. As I was headed to the mall, my phone went off and I heard a rant coming from my handbag, _"Stephanie Michelle Plum! This is your mother calling! Why won't you return my calls? What have you done now? Why me? Why me? Why me?_..." It was a personalized Helen ring tone I recorded off my answering machine. I groaned and dug the phone out. "Hey Mom."

"Stephanie, we haven't heard from you in two weeks. Guess you still haven't found a job, have you? You should have worked things out with your husband and you wouldn't be alone and in this mess. Will I have to prepare your room? I guess you'll be moving in again…"

Oh, hell no to that one! "No Mom. I _won't_ be moving in again."

"We're having something different for dinner tomorrow night. Wiener Schnitzel, red cabbage and mashed potatoes with Black Forest cake for dessert. Come and don't be late and dress nice."

German food? Something is smelly here. "Mom, I can't..." Click. Crap.

I had fun shopping. It had been a long time since I had been able to shop and really enjoy it without worrying about who else could I rob besides Peter to pay Paul. I bought myself two suits, some blouses, a couple pairs of designer shoes (on sale), a sexy dress, skirt and halter, new jeans and some boots. Afterwards, I stopped in my favorite salon to get my hair trimmed and I got a manicure and pedicure and I had done everything today with my own money. l felt great about my purchases and my day. I decided to stop at Pino's for a sub and see who might be there from the neighborhood.

As I was going in, Eddie and a couple other cops were leaving. "Hey Eddie. I didn't ask about Shirley and the kids last night with all the excitement. They doing okay?"

"Hey Steph. Yeah, they're fine. You remember Carl from school? He was in a different class and we call this guy Big Dog." He introduced me to both cops and we shook hands.

Big Dog said, "That was some capture last night. How the hell did you find him? He'd been hiding out."

I smirked. "I didn't. Man whore that he is, his chub led him to me. I just shoved him in the trunk and drove him to the station." They all snickered.

I asked, "Did he get bond again?"

Eddie said, "No. He was attacked today. He's in the hospital with a guard on him."

"What?"

"Steph, I think he's right. He's not going to live long." Dammit. Designer shoes or not, I can't live with blood on my hands.

"You guys tell me the truth because you worked with him and you know him. Do you think that he really committed murder? Is he a bad cop?"

Carl said, "A lot of guys may think different. He may be cocky and like you say, a man whore. I just don't see him as bad cop. He's pretty dedicated to his job. He has respect from people on the street."

"Shit. Eddie, Big Dog?"

Eddie said, "I don't think he did it. The reason for the murder makes no sense."

"Crud. Do you guys know what he was working on? Can you give me information that I can use to investigate, is what I want to know. Being a jerk is not a reason to die. I can't have that on my conscience. Shit!"

Big Dog spoke up, "This is way too dangerous for you to be messing with, sweetheart."

Carl said, "There won't be much we're allowed to share with you, but I'll see what I can get and call you."

"He said he was trying to clear his name. I'm going to go see if I can talk to him. Okay. I'll talk to you guys later." We all traded phone numbers and I went in to get my dinner.

After I half finished my sub with little enthusiasm, I decided to head over to St. Francis Hospital and check on Morelli. I checked at the information desk and was given a room number. "Miss, it says here that there are no visitors allowed for this patient."

Fudge. Not surprised. "Thanks."

I headed to the room anyway. There was a middle aged cop with a rather pronounced pot belly outside the door. He smiled at me and winked. Eww.

I cleared my throat and in my best sultry voice I said, "If I let you pat me down, will you let me go in to see Joe Morelli?"

He looked me up and down and grinned. Gross and double gross. Must be a yes. I hope I have enough hot water to scrub the skeeve off me later.

TBC -

Notice any familiar signatures in this chap? Like from someone you know?


	5. Chapter 5

Previously -

_I cleared my throat and in my best sultry voice I said, "If I let you pat me down, will you let me go in to see Joe Morelli?"_

_He looked me up and down and grinned. Gross and double gross. Must be a yes. I hope I have enough hot water to scrub the skeeve off me later._

**Chapter 5**

Boy, was I glad I had on jeans for that pat down. He breathed onion breath and something worse in my face and went over me three times with his sweaty hands and paying particular attention to my girly bits. I shivered and stepped into the hospital room. Joe snapped his eyes open and looked to be alarmed at first.

"You expecting someone else, Morelli."

"Yeah, Cupcake. Someone to finish the fucking job. Why are you here?"

I sighed. "Good question. I saw Eddie, Carl and Big Dog tonight. They told me about the attack and the three of them think you're innocent. I don't like you, but I won't be able to sleep very well if you die and you're innocent and I made money helping you to get dead. Do you understand what I just said." He was looking at me with glassy eyes.

"I'm trying. I just got my pain meds and why don't you like me."

"Duh! Chug, chug, the floor behind the pastry case and the frigging writing on the wall ring a bell; butthole.

"I'm not like that anymore. I'm a nice guy now."

"That was one of your lines back in high school and it got my panties off me that day in the bakery. Not buying it. Lets talk about what happened that you were framed for. What were you working on and how were you trying to clear yourself and make it fast. I'm not giving Officer Groper outside another go."

He went over everything that had happened and what he was doing as fast as he could and made suggestions on what to do next. "Cupcake, these people are dangerous and I'm not going to get bail again to help you."

"Can you keep yourself alive while I work on this, Joe?"

"Yeah, I'd like to live long enough to take you on a real date."

I rolled my eyes. "Not going to happen, Italian stallion. You're not writing on any more sub shop walls about me again. I'll be seeing you."

"I didn't write about that day in the sub shop, that was something else. I wrote about that day on the stadium wall." He gave me a weak wink and I mumbled, "I should let you rot, pig." I flipped him off as I left the room.

I went home and started to go in my building and then changed my mind and got in my Nova and drove out of the lot headed toward Stark Street. I didn't want to take my new car down there. Morelli had said that there were some working girls that he talked to who were 'in the know' about most things going on in the 'hood'.

I turned on to one of the main streets and cruised until I saw a small group of women standing together on one corner and I chugged the car over and squealed to a stop and reached over and beat the handle and then rolled down the window. The black smoke was still moving away and I heard, "_Damn...What the fuck...Man, his shit's gonna' cost extra...Dude don't need to be buyin' hos, he needs to be buyin' a muffler_."

When the smoke was finally clear a cherubic black woman with purple hair and a spandex halter top stuck her head in the passenger side window opening. She made a face at me. "You looking for a date, honey?" I was trying to think what to say to her. "Um, how much for a number..two?"

She made a face and looked down at my pants and looked up. "Damn, you coulda' fooled me. I ain't seen you down here before and you drivin' a piece of shit. You a cop?" Gee, thanks a lot.

"No. I'm honestly not."

"Okay. Blow job is twenty."

I furrowed my brows. "That's a two?"

"Yup." She looked at my car and made a face. "If you don't have enough money, a hand job is ten."

"What number is that?"

"A one."

"Oh. What are some other numbers?" Another ho' stuck her head in the window.

"Lula, why you wastin' yo' time. This she bitch ain't got no money."

I made a firm retort, "I do too have money. Ms. Lula, what will thirty dollars get me?" She looked at the other woman.

"A rim and poke." I furrowed my brows again.

"What's that exactly?" She stepped back and took her pointer finger and mimicked a poke in the butt. Oh. Oh, Jeez.

"Okay. Well, let me give you twenty and we'll negotiate something." She yanked on the door a couple times and got in the car and I handed her the money and drove off.

"Lula, I'm not a cop. I do need some information though. I'm trying to help Joe Morelli. He's in jail and somebody tried to kill him today and he said that you girls might be able to give me some new information. Could you help me?"

"Damn. I like that boy. He's fine and treats us hos good. Don't you know how dangerous it is to be drivin' around down here on Stark at night? This ain't your hood."

"No, but I put him back in jail. If he's innocent and dies, it'll be on my head."

"You sweet on Morelli?"

"Hell no! I can't stand that manwhore. No offense."

"None taken. He never struck me as that type."

"He used to be. In high school, he popped about every cherry in Chambersburg."

"No shit?"

"No shit, and the bastard got mine too. I just got special treatment. He wrote about doing me on a popular establishments wall."

"Damn. That ain't right, girl. Tell you what. I'm hungry. You take me to a Cluck-in-the-Bucket outside of here and I'll tell you what I know. I like you, girl."

"Thanks, Lula."

We shared a bucket of chicken. Well, I had a piece and we fought over the last wing. That woman was serious about her fried chicken. She had given me a ton of information between bites, though. I took her back to Stark and we exchanged phone numbers and said goodbye. It was 1:00 AM when I finally got in bed and I was exhausted.

My alarm went off and I hit the snooze button, then I hit it again and then the next time the alarm sounded I rolled over and looked at the clock. I yelped and raced out of bed and jumped in the shower. I showered the important places and jumped out. No time for the hair, no time! Ponytail it is. Mascara for courage and lipgloss.

I ran in the bedroom and grabbed one of my suits. I pulled the skirt on and then the jacket while stepping into my new Kate Spade pumps, spritzed some cologne on and ran to the kitchen and fed Rex a carrot and hauled ass out the door.

I pulled into my primo parking spot at 0856 hours. I swung the door open and started to get out and I saw movement in the shadows in the corner of the garage to the left of the passenger door. I stilled and waited. A freaky ass Latino guy stepped out of the shadows with crazy hair and tattoos and was grinning at me. I jumped back in the car and slammed the door shut. Cripes Suzette! That dude was scary and I ain't leavin' this car. I dialed the number for Arnold and waited for him to answer.

**Ranger's POV**

We were in the conference room and I was waiting for Babe to show when my phone sitting on the conference table sounded. "_Dip..da..dee..da..dee..da..doh..doh..dee..ba..dee ..da..do..deedle..oh_…" I snatched the phone off the table and heard snickers and chuckles as I answered.

"Yo?"

"Arnold?"

"Babe..? Stop calling me that."

"I haven't had my coffee yet and I'm freaked and I'm not getting out of this car."

"Don't go diva on me. My partners are waiting."

"It's not like that! Clean the steroids out of your ears and listen up. There is a freaky scary dude in your garage. I think you should call the cops. You want me to call my buds at the PD?"

"Babe, I don't use steroids. What does he look like?" More chuckles in the conference room.

"His hair is spiked and he has tattoos on his face and almost everywhere. He has this crazed look and he's grinning at me and he's kind of cagey and wiry looking."

I knew exactly who it was by the description. I said, "That's Hector and he works for me and he's safe."

I think I heard a snort before she hung up.

**Stephanie's POV**

I got out of the car and walked up to the creepy guy and pointed my finger at him. "You scared the shit out of me!"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Mi mala (my bad)."

"Mala? Lo malo de mocos (you snot bad). Vaya manita bolitas (go lick small balls)?"

He raised his eyebrows. "What you say? You español is shitty."

"Used peude comer mis espinillas (you can eat my shins)!"

He cocked his head and made a face. "Who are you?"

"Stephanie Plum. Who are you?"

"Hector Gutierrez. Why you here?" He looked me up and down and made the pokey through the hole sign with his finger and hand. What? Oooh. It's on. That little tear drop under your eye doesn't fool me and I don't feel sorry for you at all. Crybaby.

"New job. So, are we friends, enemies or frenemies? I hate that last kind. It allows for some sneaky shit and I'm not into that drama queen, back stabbing, talking behind your back crap."

"Me neither, except for the last one. Okay so we try friends."

"So, we shake on it?"

"No." He spit in his hand and extended it. Okay, I've had stranger days lately and at least it wasn't blood. I spit in my hand and we shook.

"Uh..Hector, where is the closest ladies' room?"

"No ladies room here. No ladies here."

I made a face at him and put my hands on my hips. "Beg pardon. I'm a lady."

"Remains to be seen, _chica_."

"What? Did you just insult me? Crybaby." I pointed at his eye.

"Si. Perra (bitch)!" He started grabbing at his chest and acting like he was squeezing his breasts.

I stuck my finger in his face. "Hey! Cigüeña que (stork that)."

He smirked and smacked my finger. Oh hell no…

**Ranger's POV**

I just lost a few notches on my badass meter when my phone started singing the hamster dance and then again with the conversation with Stephanie. Steroids? I should spank her little white ass after work tonight. Shit! My dick was hard again and everyone is staring at me. Oh, dios mio!

After a few minutes of waiting, I opened the door and walked out of the room and headed toward the elevator and to the garage. When the doors opened I stepped out just in time to see Hector smack Stephanie's finger and she slapped his hand back and then it was like I was standing in a surreal fog as the second most feared badass in the company and my new female employee commenced an all out girl fight assault on each other. There was cursing and weird Spanish, some nasty English, an occasional hair pull, a few scratches and then the guffaws behind me finally brought me to my senses and I moved to break the two apart.

"Attention!" Hector stood at attention and Stephanie nailed him with a cheap swat and just made a face at me and gave me a sarcastic salute. Little shit. My badass was sunk.

I said, "Ms. Plum, did you forget about the meeting?"

"Nope. He insulted me and what is this about you not having a ladies' room?"

"The building was originally designed as an all male work place."

"That is discriminatory, chauvinistic and against the law. So, I'm supposed to cop a squat over a urinal next to the guys when I have to go or can I just pick a corner in an obscure part of the building and make it my wee wee spot?" I heard laughter behind me and turned.

"Get back to the conference room!"

"Babe..? Did you forget your blouse?"

"What?"

"I see bra and no blouse."

"What do you mean…?" I felt my chest. Shit! I did forget my blouse. I checked the top button on my jacket and my bra was still showing.

I made a face. "I did forget it…"

"Let me call Ella. I'm sure that she has something that you can borrow."

"Carlos, I need coffee bad."

"Come on, Babe." I pulled out my phone and called Ella.

Ella appeared when we got off the elevator on five and handed Stephanie a type of garment and took her away. I went back to the conference room and waited.

Finally, our new female employee, Stephanie Plum, appeared.

TBC -

Thanks for the reviews. Keep them coming, chicas!


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow! You guys really liked that last chapter. It was a really fun one. I love writing Hector and he's one of Marg's fav's. You can write his character so many different ways.**

Previously -

_Ella appeared when we got off the elevator on five and handed Stephanie a type of garment and took her away. I went back to the conference room and waited._

_Finally, our new female employee, Stephanie Plum, appeared._

**Chapter 6**

**Stephanie's POV**

I put on the camisole that Ella gave me and was happy to get it and changed and asked her about coffee and she took me to the lounge. Bless this little lady. When I filled a cup and sugared and creamed it, she led me to a door and smiled. "Don't be nervous, Stephanie. My boys are good men."

I thanked her and took a deep breath and walked in. I waved at everyone and Carlos motioned for me to have a seat in a chair on one side of him. I sat down and he stood and introduced me and then introduced his men. They were all huge and very nice looking guys. There was a Tank and he was tank size with a big deep voice and then a Bobby who had a friendly smile and demeanor and then a Lester who kept waggling his eyebrows and winking at me. Weird guy.

I slowly raised my hand. "Babe?"

"I'm sorry, Carlos. I really need to say something to you and your men."

I stood up. "Nice to meet you all. I'm sorry that I arrived all crazy this morning. Didn't intend to start my first day here like that. The truth is, I really need to finish something before my job here begins. I don't have much time. I would really like to work with you all, but if the delay in my employment here is not acceptable; I certainly understand.

"Babe, why can't you start now?"

"It has to do with Morelli, the fugitive that I took in. He was attacked in jail and he's in the hospital. Three of our mutual friends think that he's innocent. I went to see him last night and I went to Stark Street and talked to one of his informants and it does in fact look like he was framed. I can't turn my back and let him go to prison and then be killed just because he's a cop. I took him in and it would be like me having the blood on my hands."

Everyone was eerily silent and their mouths were open.

Carlos spoke first. "Babe, you went to Stark Street by yourself at night."

"Yeah. I didn't drive that nice new car. I drove Rusty."

"You're trying to prove this man's innocence and you don't even like him?'

"No, I don't. But, I grew up with him. I know his parents and I can't just let him die if he's innocent of what he's accused of."

"We need to talk about this."

"I know. I'm really sorry. I wasn't expecting this either." I pulled the Amex out of my bag and laid it on the table.

"I didn't use it and I'll leave the keys to the Lexus. I just need a ride back to my apartment. I need to work on this today."

He looked at the card on the table and reached behind me and pulled on something and showed it to me. It was the price tag off my suit. I gave him a sheepish grin and shrugged and he smiled back.

"I want to help you with this. I don't want you doing this alone."

"That's nice. but you didn't make a dime off the capture and you have a business to run."

"Babe, these are all my partners and will be your co-workers. We all have partners and we don't do anything alone. I think you need to hear from them. Go ahead, men."

Tank said, "Stephanie, you are everything Ranger said you were and more. I commend you for wanting to do the right thing for this man. I look forward to being your peer and I support you."

Then Bobby spoke, "I'm in full agreement with Ranger and Tank. We're in this."

Lester sat there with a goofy smile on his face. "You're so cute. Do you have a sister like you? Shit, where did you find this angel? I want one."

"SANTOS!"

Ranger growled, "She will be your co-worker and a part of this team and you will treat her with respect and she is not on the market. Get my meaning?" He glared at him.

"Sheesh, Boss. I understand. I was just kidding. I got your back on this Morelli thing, beautiful. What's our plan?" He still winked at me and I looked at Ranger and he gave him a death glare.

"I think that we should put Hector and Manuel on her. They blend in the Stark neighborhood and the gangs won't mess with Hector."

I said, "Hector? You mean the crybaby, I just bitch slapped?" All of the guys erupted in guffaws.

"Babe…"

"He was in a gang? Damn. Now I feel bad for calling him a crybaby. That was pretty raw for them to tattoo that teardrop on him and kick him out. Is he kind of a chicken or just a little pussy?" When I finished, they all stared at me for a couple seconds and then they all erupted. Lester fell out of his chair laughing and Tank rubbed his bald head and snorted and started cracking up and Bobby and Ranger were holding their stomachs and howling with laughter.

Ranger sat down in his chair and looked at me and there was something in his eyes this morning that was different. "Babe, you never disappoint. That was the best laugh that I've had in a long time." The rest of the guys were nodding their agreement and smiling.

"Hector is a badass, Babe. He is feared by the gangs and they don't bother him. He earned that teardrop and it wasn't from crying. That's why he would be perfect for watching your back while you're investigating on Stark. He and Manny are partners and they grew up together. Manny is ex-military. I'm going to call them in here."

He sent Lester out to get the men and in a couple of minutes they arrived and took seats at the table. Hector gave me a smirk and I stuck my tongue out at him and he sat up straight in his chair and glared like he was challenging me. Ranger looked back and forth between us and shook his head and grinned.

"You two might as well make friends because you _will_ be working together."

I pointed my finger at Boohoo and said, "He wanted to spit shake and then he insulted me. I don't trust him." The men started snickering again.

Ranger said, "Hector, she is going to be your co-worker and she needs help. You and Manny are going to shadow her and I expect you to keep her safe. Understood?" They both nodded.

"Stephanie, lets hear everything that you know about Morelli."

I spent the next half hour going over what I knew about the shooting, what Morelli had told me about the setup and what he had been working on and what Lula had told me about Ramirez and his manager and camp. "So, it's looking like Ziggy did pull a gun and Ramirez or this man Louis hid the evidence. I need to go to the gym next."

"You can't go into that gym, Babe. We have to come up with a plan."

Hector said, "Sólo las chicas trabajo entrar ahí y no fuera muy bien (only the working girls go in there and they don't come out too good)."

"What if me and my friend Lula the ho' went in? If I paid her enough, she would maybe go if she knew that we had backup."

The whole room erupted. "NO!"

I put my hands on my hips and glared at them. "What? You don't think I can do this? Do you guys have a better idea? I need to talk to Ramirez and his manager. I could probably get more out of them than one of you guys. Are they going to talk to Hector? No. Manny..?"

I looked at the guy, Manny. If they were into dudes, he might work. He looked like a Latino boy toy. He looked like he had just completed puberty and he still had peach fuzz on his chin, for cripes sake. He had cute little chipmunk cheeks and dimples and long eye lashes. His hair was neat and spiked with goo like Hector's. I cocked my head and looked at the two of them. No way. Maybe...Ranger and the guys had all followed my gaze and were looking at Manny and contemplating when Hector spoke up and growled, "I no share!"

Well, guess that just answered my question. "Okay, so we go..mixed bag. Give em' a choice. They get my round..ass to get their attention and um…" I looked at Manny again. "His cheeks?"

Ranger said, "Okay, then you and Manny and Hector will be your backup and you'll go in wired and with trackers. While you're here we'll do your employment paperwork. Hector and Manny, be ready to go in an hour." They both nodded.

Ranger went over a couple more business topics and convened the meeting. Bobby spoke to me. "Come with me, Stephanie. I'll do your employment paperwork and go over some things with you."

I looked at Ranger. "You sure that you still want to hire me today?"

"I'm positive. I think you're exactly the person for the job that we were looking for. Bobby?"

"I think he's right. You evidently have guts and integrity and I think you'll be an asset to our company. Sacrificing and doing the right thing for no other reason than it's just right is very noble. It shows what kind of person you really are."

I was kind of embarrassed. "Well..um. Thank you."

I followed Bobby into his office and he handed me all the employment forms and handed me a contract. "This has your official title, your yearly salary, benefits package, and Rangeman requirements. Because of the nature of our work, we have unusual requirements and we decided when we talked about this position that we would maintain those for male and female workers whether they will be working in the field or not. You'll have to complete weapons and self-defense training and you'll have fitness standards."

"You mean like handling guns and what is the fitness standards?"

"Our men have to complete a physical twice per year and they undergo strength and physical endurance testing. They exercise a minimum of four days per week and maintain a healthy diet."

"Diet? What kind of diet?"

"Healthy and balanced."

"Wait a minute? No cake, doughnuts, pizza, meatball subs, beer…? What the hell do you eat?"

He grinned at me. "We eat salads, grains, lean meats, fruits and vegetables. You can have occasional foods like pizza and beer. We all do."

"But, I eat doughnuts for breakfast, subs for lunch and pot roast and gravy with pineapple upside down cake for dessert at dinner time. That's my diet."

"You can't eat like that every day. Stephanie, whether you exercise or not that kind of eating will catch up to you and make you unhealthy one day and soon. How old are you?"

"I'll be 29 next month. I don't know about this. This is a lot of change for me and fast. I'll have to give it some thought first. Why don't we do this again after I take care of this Morelli thing?" I pushed the papers back to him. "Thanks anyway. You guys seem to be really nice."

"Stephanie, Ranger will be unhappy if you don't take the job. He really wants you to work here."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Things are happening a little too fast lately. I need to take care of this Morelli business and then we'll see. He'll just have to be unhappy for right now." I handed him the Lexus keys and got up to leave and gave him a little finger wave going out the door and headed to the elevators.

I went to the garage and realized I didn't have a ride and saw Manny come out of a door. I waved at him. "Manny, do you have a vehicle here? I need a ride to my apartment." He nodded and held up a finger and made a call. He walked over to one of the umpteen Ford Explorers in the garage and clicked the doors open and opened the door for me in the back. I got in and he got in the drivers seat and then in a minute Hector came out and hopped in. I made a face. Great, Boohoo's along for the ride.

I gave Manny the address of my apartment and we rode in silence and then they pulled in and I got out and headed inside my building and when I got to the door the vehicle still hadn't moved away. I walked back and knocked on the window and Manny rolled it down.

"Guys, I didn't accept the job. We won't be working together right now. You need to go back. Thanks for the ride."

Hector snapped, "Ranger says we stay."

"I don't care what Ranger says? I'm not working for him yet. Go back. Translated, that means, kiss off!" I pointed to both of them and crossed my pointers and made a kissy face.

Hector growled, "No!" Grrrr! This guy.

"Listen Boohoo, I'm not kidding. You and your partner, Babycakes here need to leave now! I made quote marks for the word partner. He bent over and then raised up and clicked a switchblade open and pointed it at me. "La perra (bitch), you and me are going to settle some things."

I reached in my bag and pulled out the pepper spray Connie had given me. Then I aimed it at them. "Oh yeah. Bring it on Cryboy!" He started cursing at me in Spanish and waving his arms and pointing ending with his tongue out making a fart noise. I flipped him one middle finger and then the other and turned my ass to them and stomped to my building and went in.

TBC -


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, this Steph is still part the independent woman that we know and she doesn't like men trying to control her. She doesn't know Ranger that well and it makes perfect sense to her to step back and think about things and those job requirements while she takes care of business. **

**Chapter 7**

My phone was ringing before I got my apartment door open and I knew who it was. "What?"

"Babe, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't accept the job today. There are too many rules and changes to my life involved that I can't deal with right now. Would you please just do me a favor and call your mongrel, Hector home?"

"They are going to go with you. We can work through the issues you have with the requirements."

"I could deal with the weapons training and the self defense, but not the exercise four days a week and the testing every six months. I can get another job without having to go through all that crap. You know I don't eat rabbit food. I think I've decided I don't mind my life the way it is right now."

"Does that mean with or without me in it?" He sounded angry now.

"I like you Arnold, but that relationship stance and your actions are confusing."

"I'm at a loss here, Babe. This is not the way I wanted things to go today. My men stay."

"No, they DON'T! You're making me mad. Who do you think you are? We met, we fucked and now you're trying to tell me what I can and can't do and taking over my life. I think you need to back off! You're moving way too fast for me, buster." I disconnected the call. I was steaming mad. Full out rhino mad.

I called Connie at the bonds office. "Vincent Plum Bail Bonds."

"Connie, it's Stephanie."

"Hey girl."

"I want to keep the bounty hunter job."

"Really? What happened with the Rangeman job?"

"That man is too bossy for a boss. He's a little bit smothering and intense."

"Well, he's definitely intense. Okay, I'll tell Vinnie. Your license was approved, so you're good to go anyway."

"Good. I got something that I have to do. Morelli is innocent and his life is in danger. I put him back in jail and I have to try and help him just to keep my conscience clear. What other stuff does a bounty hunter use? I need some weapons."

"Uh..hon? Ranger, not helping you at all?"

"Nope. Not if I can help it."

"Agh shit. You're gonna' get yourself killed Stephanie."

"No, I can do this. Help me out."

"Go to this munitions and surplus shop and tell them you're from here and they'll fix you up. They sell weapons and supplies to investigators, cops, all kinds of people. Get a taser gun, make sure you have plenty of pepper spray and get a little gun and don't put a bullet in it until you learn how to use it. Wear that vest!" She gave me the name of the place and the address and told me to be careful.

I thought, now to get out of here without tweedle dee and tweedle dum following me. I walked downstairs and poked my head out. Damn, they were still there. I opened my phone and called Eddie. "Gazzara."

"Eddie? It's Steph. You wouldn't happen to be cruising around in your car, would you?"

"I'm off the clock and headed home."

"Would you do me a favor and detour to my apartment? There are two goons in the lot in a black Explorer. I know who they are and they aren't dangerous..uh..I don't think. They just won't leave. Could you shoo them and follow me for a couple miles to make sure they aren't following? I'm trying to work on this Morelli thing and these guys are in my way."

"Sure, Steph, I can do that."

While I was waiting, I called the ho' I met, Lula. "What's yo' pleasa'?"

"Uh..is this Lula?"

"Yeah. Who dis'?"

"It's Stephanie Plum. We had chicken the other night and I was hoping for another date."

"Oh yeah. What you got in mind?"

"Well, I need you to go to Ramirez's gym with me. I need to talk to him and his manager."

"Say what?"

"I'll pay you the price of a ten. What is that anyway?"

"Animal."

"Did you say what..?

"Dog, goat, donkey…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'll pay it, I just don't want to hear about it. I already have a relative in my family with barnyard issues. How much?"

"Hundred."

"Okay."

"We ain't made a deal yet."

"What else?"

"That mofo' is crazy and scary as hell. I'm gonna' be hungry when I leave there."

"Lula, I'm headed to a place to get geared up and I'm comin' loaded for bear. Believe me, when we get out of there, I'm gonna' want to eat one too."

"That's all I needed to hear girl. You come get me at my apartment." She gave me the address.

"Give me about an hour and I'll be there."

"Fuck yeah. I'm in." We disconnected.

I watched as Eddie cruised the lot and stopped at the SUV and they rolled out and then I ran to my car and pulled out and he followed as we both continued to look around. I waved him off after a couple miles and I made some odd turns to shake anyone still following and headed to the surplus place.

This freakin' place had everything. I bought lipstick stun guns for both of us, a listening device with ear and mouthpiece for us both and trackers and a small recording device. I got Lula a big vest too. Then I bought my first little gun. It was a Smith & Wesson Centennial 442 Airweight. A super lightweight snub nosed revolver. It even had a little mounted laser on the grip. How could I miss shooting with this little gun?

I looked around when I exited the shop and hopped back in my Nova and headed to Stark and Lula's apartment.

**Ranger's POV**

Fuck me! There is nothing about this woman that makes sense to me. I like her because she's different, but shit fire! What I thought would be a normal meeting with an introduction to a new employee had gone seriously wrong. Not to mention, I was looking forward to maybe getting the woman back in my bed tonight. First the fight in the garage with Hector of all my men possible and then the missing blouse. How can someone forget to put on a major item of clothing? Then she dropped a bomb during the meeting and then refused employment in the end.

I was stunned when Bobby had come to me and told me that she was gone and that she had issues with employment here and had essentially refused the contract. I had gotten a call within twenty minutes from Hector stating that she was at her apartment and demanding that they "kiss off".

That phone call to her had made me feel like a fucking obsessed stalker or something. Jesus! What the hell happened to my iron control after I met her? After the meeting today, I just wanted her more. She just pretty much rejected me and I don't know what to do. I'm not familiar with this territory.

Hector called back to say that she had a cop friend come and make them leave. They tried to stay with her and she shook the tail. Dammit! I told him to just go stakeout the gym on Stark Street. The woman is determined, stubborn and sneaky as hell. I was exhausted by the gamut of emotions caused by her from just this morning; confusion, surprise, tenderness, happiness, pride, desire, concern, anger and now aggravation and worry. Shit Manoso!

I've already told her that I don't do relationships and she just called me on that one. How do I get her to date me now?

I was holding my head in my hands when I heard a voice coming from the doorway, "Oh shit, man. You got it bad. She is somethin'." I looked up at Santos.

"You don't know the half of it and get the fuck out of here before I take you to the mats. I'm looking to beat the shit out of something and you're too perfect."

**Stephanie's POV**

I called Lula as I pulled up to her apartment and she came down. She pulled the door handle three times and finally the door creaked open and she wiggled her spandex clad body into the front seat. She said, "I don't mean to be insultin' you, girl, but this car is a piece o' shit!"

"Gets me around and the price was good. Your hair is bright yellow today."

"I like to color coordinate. At least have mercy on folks and get a muffler, girl. You either scarin' the shit outta' people or droppin' em' just from the fumes alone when you ride by. That ain't cool."

"You're right. I should consider that and at least get a muffler."

I put the car in gear and it backfired and sputtered off in a cloud of black smoke. I gave Lula a sheepish look and she said, "Damn, woman. I'm a ho' and my ride puts this thing to shame."

I parked down the block from the gym and pulled out my gear. I looked at Lula and her spandex top and then at my t-shirt. Well, I didn't make plans for the vests. I gave her a lipstick stun gun and a pepper spray and I wired us both the way that the guy had showed me. Then I got out my pepper spray and grabbed a little stun gun. I stuck the recorder in my bra and looked over at Lula. She was staring at me. "Exactly what the fuck are you gonna' do in there, you crazy white girl?"

"Ask questions."

"What the hell kind of questions?"

"Questions they're probably not going to want to answer."

"Uhn..huh. And, what's my job exactly?"

"Keep them occupied. Just look pretty, shake your booty and bat your eyelashes."

"Okay, that's maybe worth five minutes. Them dudes don't care about that shit. Then what?"

"Use your imagination."

"Not my specialty. My specialty is..."

"Lula! Just work with me here. I'll try to get us out as fast as I can."

She snorted and pulled the handle and banged on the door a few times, gave me a dirty look and got out.

As we were walking to the gym, I was forming a story in my head about why we were there and what I was going to ask. We walked through these big black double doors and looked around. We both looked at each other and wrinkled our noses. If it looks like a gym and smells like a gym...Yuck. We're in the right place.

All eyes turned to us and then when the wolf grins appeared, everything that I had planned in my head flew out of my brain ending with a sound like a toilet flushing. Deep dodo was the first thought that popped back into my brain. Three sweaty men started walking over to us with big shit eating grins and I mumbled to Lula, "Get ready. Act your ass off." She turned around and looked at her ass and whimpered.

One really gross guy with bad teeth asked, "Can we do somethin' special for you ladies?" Yeah. Close your mouth.

"I want to talk to Benito Ramirez."

"Benito? What about?"

I put my hands on my hips to project some attitude and said, "None of your business, dude. Is he here?"

He laughed and told us to follow. He walked us toward a locker room. Locker room? I turned to Lula and her golf ball sized eyeballs reflected mine. We had to go through the door because they were behind us. "Ladies, he's in there." I gulped and pushed the door open.

I took two steps in and stopped. There were two guys in there. One was dressed and one was _naked_. The guy behind me laughed and said, "Benito, you got company. Nice company." Then, thank goodness he turned and left. The naked guy grinned and sauntered over and his interest in us was slowly rising. By the time he stood in front of us, his interest was huge.

"Who wants me? Both of you?." He chuckled.

I said, "I wanted to ask you some questions if you don't mind."

"What do I get for answering these questions?"

Lula spoke up. "Well, I could take care of that big problem that just came up."

I just jumped in, "Ziggy was sweet on me and he owed me some money. He told me that he was going to be with Louis that night he was shot. I'm trying to find Louis. You seen him?"

"Louis? Why you want Louis."

"Ziggy said he had my money on him. I think Louis took my money." He started laughing. He turned and said, "You hear that Louis. You got this little piece of puntang's money?"

Aww..shit. Now what do I do? Lula looked over at me and must have seen the fear in my eyes.

"Ramirez, you sure are a lotta' hot man. Didn't I see Carmen with you the other night. I was wantin' to ask her about what it was like to be with such a fine man as yo' self. I can't find her no where. You still keepin' her busy?"

Ramirez's eyes changed and he gave Lula a death glare and then smiled like the devil would. Holy crap! I'm in the presence of evil. That's probably the smile Beelzebub gives you right before he sticks the pitchfork in your ass and hauls you down into the pits of hell.

Me and Lula both turned when Luis said, "I don't think I know you, little lady, and what are you accusing me of?"

"You were there the night Ziggy was shot? You pick up my money when he dropped it by any chance?"

"I didn't pick up no fuckin' money, bitch, I picked up a gu...ooomph." Ramirez elbowed him in the ribs.

Lula said, "Bout' Carmen. I do need ta' talk ta' that girl. Can I see her?"

Ramirez reached out and took Lula by the throat and I screamed. Louis moved toward me and I pulled out my pepper spray and blasted him. Then I pulled out my lipstick and touched Ramirez with it. He blanched and made a face like I had just stung him like a bee. Fuck!

He reached out and hit me with one huge meat hook and I fell. I watched as Lula had turned a blue/brown hue and she reached in her pocket and raised her pepper spray and hit him in the eyes and then I reached over and hit him with the lipstick stun gun again. He didn't go out, but he went down to his knees. Fucking salesman was going to get a piece of my mind! I grabbed Lula and we both ran out of the locker room. Weird thing was that it was silent in the gym and_ two_ guys were knocked out cold in the ring.

When we got to the car, we both stopped. The word 'pussy' was written in the color of Lula's hair across my car in neon on both sides and the hood. Lula looked over at me and shook her head. "Actually looks better. Wear that shit as a fuckin' banner of honor after this." I nodded. "Lets get the fuck outta' here!"

We jumped in and I sputtered away back to Lula's apartment building. I let her out and paid her plus gave her a tip. "Lula, I promised a meal. Truth is, I want to run home in my pussymobile like the pussy I am and hide under my blanket."

She said, "Fuck I hear ya', girl. I'm orderin' takeout from every place I know and callin' it a day."

We said goodbye and I raced home. My safe little apartment with character.

When I walked in the door and looked at Rex eating I remembered the dinner at my mother's house tonight. Shit! I looked at the clock and jumped in the shower and put on a blue jean skirt and t-shirt and some wedge sandals. No time for the hair. Messy ponytail it is. Then I booked out the door.

TBC -


	8. Chapter 8

Previously -

_When I walked in the door and looked at Rex eating I remembered the dinner at my mother's house tonight. Shit! I looked at the clock and jumped in the shower and put on a blue jean skirt and t-shirt and some wedge sandals. No time for the hair. Messy ponytail it is. Then I booked out the door._

A/N - Margaret suggests that you take a potty break before reading this chap and refrain from drinking hot beverages.

**Chapter 8**

I rolled up to my parents house at five minutes before my Mom always says that the food has gone bad and looked at the door. My Grandma Mazur was standing there waving. "Hey, Grandma. What's going on? I know Mom is up to something."

She stepped out of the door and whispered, "She invited this German boy to dinner that she met at the deli the other day. He ain't much, honey, even I've had better at the old farts' recreation center behind the refreshment table on dance night."

I swallowed some lunch back down I thought was already digested and said, "I need your help then, Grandma. Don't leave me hangin'."

She cackled. "I got you, granddaughter."

My Mom came running to the door and said, "Stephanie, you were almost late. Come to the dining room now. The crust on the Wiener Schnitzel is about to get soggy." I walked in the living room and she barked at my Dad to come and he grumbled and got up from his recliner and came over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Pumpkin, I don't know why there's a goddamn heini in my dining room and wiener schnitzel on my dinner table. Guess I'm just supposed to like it and eat that shit."

"Dad, me and Grandma have a plan, but you got to grow..I'm mean speak your peace sometimes."

"I know what you're saying. Dammit, let's get on with it."

My Mom gushed. "Stephanie, this is Ralph Klingman from the deli and meat market. He's single and he's about your age. You sit next to Ralph. My Grandma slid into the seat really quick and my Mom glared at her. She looked at him and clacked her false teeth and grinned. He looked worried and grimaced a little.

I mosyed over to the other side of the table and my mother stopped me. "Stephanie, you sit right here on the other side of Ralph." I groaned to myself. So we are all piled up on one side of the table now and Mom brings the last dish out and sits and says grace.

My Dad picks up the plate of wiener schnitzel and plops a piece on his plate and grumbles and passes the dish. Ralph takes two and I take a good look at him. He's portly with thinning dirty blond hair on his head in the shape of an island and he wears glasses. My Mom looks at me and starts in on me before the last dish is passed. "Stephanie, what's wrong with your face?"

"What do you mean?"

She said, "It's blue. Like bruised."

"Oh. I..uh..kind of went a round with a boxer." My grandma snickered.

"Don't be silly Stephanie. Did you check with Vincent about the job?"

"Yes, and I have a job now."

"That's good news. Ralph here will be assistant manager soon at the deli."

I said a not very enthusiastic, "That's nice."

"Stephanie is a file clerk now at her Cousin Vinnie's office."

"No Mom, I'm actually a bounty hunter now." She choked and spewed her iced tea through her nostrils. That was actually kind of funny.

My Grandma Mazur said, "That sounds like a pip of a job. What do you do?" I started to speak and my grandma dropped her fork and said, "Oops. Sonny, can you get that for me?"

Ralph scooted his chair out and bent himself in half to pick up the fork on the floor. Now I know why my Dad called him heini. More than half of his butt crack was showing and there was brownish blonde hair growing all the way up his crack and there half way down was...Oh, jeez and Christ on a cracker! There was a tiny piece of toilet paper stuck to a hair. I almost ralphed and I looked up at my Grandma and for the first time EVER, she furrowed her brows and grimaced at a male rump. I guess whatever her plan had been, it had backfired like...Seriously? Like the fart that just escaped and waved the piece of toilet paper before it left his pants and he sat up. So tonight Mom, it's my turn. Why me?

We both had to look away and Grandma said, "Well, can't say in all my years I've ever seen that before. Stephanie, is that new job of yours like the one that long haired blond boy does on TV? You know, 'the dog'?"

"Yes. Kind of."

"He carries a piece. Do you have to carry a gun?"

"Not yet, but I bought one along with some other useful stuff." Grandma got up and left the table for a minute and Ralph looked over at me and grinned and then his hand reached over and touched my leg. Yuuuuck! Double yuck! Grandma came back and sat down with her little purse and pulled out a Smith and Wesson .38 special and said, "This here is my piece, ain't it a pip?"

Suddenly, the gun fired and a huge piece of wiener schnitzel went flying and the plate was left in a pile of broken pieces. We all looked down on the floor and there was a huge piece of it laying there in the shape of a perfect penis. Wow. What a wiener.

Ralph dropped his fork and his eyes were huge and about that time, we heard the front door blast open and of all people, Boohoo and Babycakes ran in with guns drawn. My Mom and Ralph both screamed like a girl. Ralph looked at the two strange looking men dressed in black holding guns and got up and ran..uh..like a girl, out the front door and was gone. We all wrinkled our noses as something foul wafted up behind him as he went.

My Dad just looked up and grumbled and rolled his eyes and sighed and kept on eating.

I made a face and said, "What are you two doing here?"

Hector glared at me and said, "We watch you, loco culo (ass)."

My mother wasn't deterred from her mission at all. Seeing that two new potential victims had arrived, her 'Burg' manners kicked in and she asked the two if they had eaten and they shook their heads and Hector pointed at me. "No, debido a la perra (because of the crazy bitch)!"

She said, "Come have a seat, boys. Stephanie, apparently these are friends of yours?"

"Noop. Not mine."

She ignored me and went to the kitchen and came back with two plates and utensils and set them on the table and the two guys sat down. She sighed. "I'm sorry, the wiener schnitzel was ruined. We do have plenty of other food and dessert."

I said, "Not all of it. There's a piece there on the floor that's perfect for Hector." And, I pointed to the big pecker laying there and snorted at my own joke.

He looked down at it and gave me a dirty look and then reached down and picked it up and took a bite and made a yummy sound and grinned. Gross! I just hate that guy.

So, my Mom starts in again. Jeez, the woman never stops. "This job of yours certainly doesn't sound like something for a respectable young woman. It's not proper."

Hector snorted and mumbled, "Respectable woman, my culo!" I glared at him.

"Are you still looking for another job? This is just temporary, right?"

"I don't know, Mom."

"Does it pay anything?"

"I just made ten grand bringing Morelli in." She choked again. This time I think it was gravy that came out of her nose.

"You took Joseph Morelli to jail? What will my friends say when they find out? Angela Morelli will make sure my life is hell! WHY ME? WHY DOES MY DAUGHTER HAVE A JOB LIKE THIS?"

Dad looked up and said, "Good for you pumpkin. Never did much care for that little Morelli shit, anyway."

Mom got out of her chair and ran in the kitchen and I heard the cabinet door open and slam and in a minute she came back and sat down and wiped her mouth and she was calmer.

This whole time Grandma hadn't said much, but she was now smiling and looking at Manny. All of a sudden we heard the fork hit the floor again and she slithered down her chair and under the table and then the next thing we heard was a loud slap and a yip. Grandma came back up rubbing her hand and glaring at Hector.

He glared back at her and snapped, "I no share!"

Okay, I'm tired and I'm thinking it's about time for me to blow this crazy scene. Screw dessert and the German cake . I can get ice cream on the way home. Hell, I can do a Dairy Queen run and buy a whole ice cream cake. I waved goodbye to everyone and kissed my Dad on the cheek and told my Mom that I would call her later. Much, much later. From the door I yelled to Hector. He turned and I said, "Gotta' message for Ranger. Tell him to sit on it. Come to think of it, you can too." Then I flipped him off. Grandma chuckled and so did my Dad and my Mom had a look of horror on her face.

I was having a pretty good dream and then my phone rang. I grumbled and it kept ringing. I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was 2:00 AM. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and croaked out, "Yelo."

"White girl?"

"Yeah. I'm white. Is this a crank call?"

"No, this ain't no fuckin' crank call. This is serious. This is Lula."

"What's up, Lula?"

"One of my girls came to me tonight and told me that Ramirez is trying ta' find out where I live. I'm scared. Carmen ain't the only ho' gone missin' picked up by that crazy mofo'."

"What do you need?"

"I need a place ta' stay." Crud. I really hate you, Morelli.

"Are you able to get out of your building and drive away?"

"Yeah. I don't know if he's found me yet."

"Lula. You can't lead him here. I thought for a couple seconds. Go to the Dairy Queen on south Olden. It's open all night. Leave your car and listen for my car to backfire. Then make sure no one is following you and come to the car. You'll see the black smoke."

She snorted. "No shit. Meet you in an hour."

I pulled my butt out of bed and put my clothes on. I don't want Morelli to die in jail because I want to kill him myself. I went downstairs and to the lot to get in my car, and who is in a black Explorer but, the lovebirds. Hehe. And, they were asleep on each other's shoulders. Isn't that cute? I tiptoed to my car and started it up and it backfired and then I revved it and it backfired louder and then I backed out and drove up next to them and stopped. Leaving a good bit of black smoke in my wake, I smiled and squealed out of there. I think I saw Hector's arms waving before I pulled out.

I parked behind an old gas station on one side of the DQ and waited. I called Lula. "Yeah?"

"What are you driving?"

"Red Firebird. I ain't none too happy bout' leaving my baby."

"Park it under a street lamp and don't worry about it. I'm behind an old gas station next door."

"Alright. I'm almost there," she grumbled.

"Look around before you come my way and go behind the building. I already have one tail."

"Say what?"

"Not a dangerous one, an annoying one." She grumbled and hung up. I was scouting the area and noticed the black Explorer parked in front of the Dairy Queen. Damn. What is with these guys? Why won't they just go home? Maybe I need to _send_ their asses home.

I got out of the car and walked into the DQ and up to the counter. "Your order, ma'am?"

"Do you have raw potatoes?"

"Excuse me? I don't think so. They come in frozen."

"Anything round and hard like a potato?"

"Uh..no, ma'am. Are you going to place an order?"

"Yeah. Just give me a minute." I looked up at the menu. There were two possibilities.

"Are your hot dogs frozen?"

"Before we cook them."

"Could I buy a package of frozen hotdogs and a couple of bananas?"

"Mam, this is highly irregular. I'll have to ask my manager."

"Okay. Go ahead." A man came to the counter.

"Would you repeat to me what you are asking for ma'am?"

"A package of frozen hot dogs and a couple of bananas."

"Okee. Well, I'm going to charge you for the hot dogs times seven since you won't be getting the buns and a banana split."

"Works for me." He nodded to the kid at the register and he rang it up. I gave him the money and he bagged the items and handed it to me. I thanked him and walked out.

I tiptoed around the building and spied the SUV. This will send em' home. I spotted Lula and motioned for her to head to my car and then I got really low and tiptoed to the back of the Explorer. I opened the pack of frozen wieners and began shoving them into the tailpipe of the SUV. Then I shoved in the two bananas.

I ran up to the driver side window and waved and Hector started the truck and I ran around the front and to the other side like I was doing a Chinese fire drill and got to the back again and stopped. There was a car now parked behind the SUV and Louis was walking up to me grinning. Yikes! Before he got to me there was a loud pop and a projectile flew out of the tailpipe and exploded and Louis slipped on a banana peel and went down cracking his head on the bumper of the car. Ramirez came around the other side cursing at me and right when he got to the back of the SUV where the muffler was, there was a really loud whine and then a bang and those frozen hot dogs started shooting out like torpedoes.

The engine of the SUV made a grinding noise and died and I looked at Ramirez who had tears running down his face and he put his hands over his crotch and fell over whimpering and crying like a baby. I looked over at Hector and Manny who had gotten out of the vehicle to see what was going on. Hector's face was red and I don't know, but I think maybe Manny was trying to keep from laughing.

Louis was moaning and I thought I might have an opportunity here and I reached in my jacket pocket and clicked on the little recorder. Then I grabbed him and asked a question. "Louis, where is Ziggy's gun?"

"It's in the can, man."

"A toilet? Where?"

"Naw, the can with Carmen."

"Carmen? Where is she?"

"Sal's."

I asked, "Who's Sal?"

"Meat market."

I heard Ramirez groaning and mumbling, "Shut the fuck up, Louis."

Louis was starting to come around, "Louis, you mean Sal's meat market? She's at the meat market and she's in a can?"

"Yeah." Shit. I grabbed his hair and gave his head a good whack against the bumper again.

I walked over to Ramirez. "You were the last one seen with Carmen. You tell me what you did or I'll spray you with pepper spray and kick you in the nuts until you spill."

"I ain't fucking telling you nothin', bitch." I warned him. I pulled out my pepper spray and aimed and pressed the button. "Agggghhhh! Bitch!" Then I kicked him. He grabbed his nuts and fell over on his side crying again. I figured he already needed surgery after the frozen wieners.

"Spill it now or lose your nuts, Ramirez. Extinction of your line would probably be doing the female population a favor anyway." He growled and I raised my foot to kick him again.

"Stop! Yeah, I did her. She was a lousy fucking whore. So were the others."

"What others?"

"Celeste the junkie, skinny whore Frieda, big ass Bertha."

I heard a growl from behind me. "Motherfucker! You killed them girls? They was just tryin' to make a livin'. You sorry ass piece of shit!" Lula hauled off and kicked him in the nuts until he passed out. I looked at Hector and Manny and they were both pale and grimacing and protectively holding each others balls.

TBC -


	9. Chapter 9

A/N-I know you guys loved that last chap and I did too. We spewed liquids writing it too. You know how Marg dislikes Helen. The whole point of this story is to make it more fun than the original. So we continue...

**Chapter 9**

I pulled out my phone and called 911 and told them that they needed to send backup and investigators and that it had to do with Morelli's case. I looked over at Hector and he was shaking his head and calling someone. In thirty minutes, there were cops everywhere. A detective took my statement and recorder and took a team to the meat market and Louis and Ramirez were handcuffed and taken away. The cops asked me to come to the station the next day and give a full statement. Another Ramgeman SUV had come to the scene and a tow truck to take the disabled vehicle. I looked up and saw an Escalade cruising toward us and took the opportunity to 'get out of Dodge'.

Looking around, Lula was conspicuously absent from the scene and her car was gone. So, I ran to the pussymobile and cranked it up and pulled out from the old station and waved as I drove by leaving a trail of black smoke. Ranger was standing there with his hands on his hips and he didn't look happy. Everybody else was coughing and waving their arms, especially Hector. At least I would be rid of Boohoo and Babycakes now.

I pulled out my phone and called Lula. "What's yo'..?"

"Why did you leave?"

"White girl?"

"Yeah."

"Cops give me the runs. I ran."

"The runs. So you're heading home?"

"Yeah. Figure if that fucker is in jail, he can't hurt me now."

"Okay. Thanks for your help."

"You one crazy girl and you got bigger balls than most men and I've seen a lotta' balls. I've even seen em' with one nut, three nuts…"

"Lula, are you making a point here..?"

"Uhn..yeah. Most people don't care nothin' bout' no street ho'. They wouldn't care if somebody was hurtin' us. That was a good thing you did for me and my girls."

"You're welcome, Lula. Hos are people. Nobody should be hurt or ignored because of their occupation."

"Well, you did good. Will I see you again?"

"Yes. I think we should keep in touch. See ya', Lula."

"See ya', white girl." We disconnected and I yawned. Time for some sleep.

**Ranger's POV**

I'm sitting here at the morning meeting taking deep breaths and I know my nostrils are flaring. I'm in a nasty mood of epic proportions because I haven't slept, I've had a hard on for three days and Hector and Manny are here and they both look like shit. Hector is waving his arms and pointing his finger at me and cursing in Spanish and talking about the crazy bitch and her fucking wieners. He's also talking about her crazy granny and her gun and something about squeezing their junk.

Tank and Bobby and Lester are turning shades of colors that I've never seen before, even in the heat of battle and these fuckers are hiding behind each other laughing their fool asses off. Does Hector not know that nobody points a finger at me and lives? I have never seen him lose his cool in all the time I've known him. Fuck, I've never seen any emotion out of him. Shit, If Ms. Stephanie Plum can break Hector, she's going to fucking break all my badasses. Me included.

I had not had a chance to teach the woman anything and she had successfully cleared Morelli last night and she had done it fast and efficiently. Oh, dios mio. She was a little blue-eyed force of nature. My cock was saluting her again right now. If I didn't make a capture and make her mine, I was going to die a slow and painful death from 'blue balls'.

I wasn't stupid. I was just in unfamiliar territory. I'm acting like a fucking love sick teenager. I whacked off six times yesterday. If I can't control this, I can't do missions any more.

I needed to go see her and we needed to settle some shit the primal way. That's my woman and I'm going to go fucking get her!

**Stephanie's POV**

Is that the damn doorbell? I pulled my pillow over my head. I mumbled, "Go away. I'm sleeping here."

It rang again and then the knocking started. I gritted my teeth and rolled out and pulled on my robe. Shuffling to the peep hole, I looked out. Agh. crud-bucket.

I opened the door a little and left the chain. "What do you want, Morelli?"

"I came to thank you."

"Fine. Then slip the money under the door."

"I have mini cupcakes. Lots of them."

"What? Like in the cake kind?"

"Boston cream, double chocolate, strawberry cheesecake, lemon tart, butter pecan…"

"That's enough. Get in here." I dropped the chain and shuffled to the kitchen and started making the coffee.

"So, you're free again to pillage and rape and take your spoils."

"I never raped a woman in my life. I resent that. The other two, maybe, probably."

I pulled out coffee cups and plates and cream and sugar. We loaded up and sat on the couch.

Morelli took a bite of a cupcake and said, "You saved my life. I don't know how you did it, but I thank you."

"Well, you owe me. I spent a lot of money on hookers and spy gear and I want my money back."

"Hookers and spy gear?"

"Yeah. To the tune of about 350 bucks. Oh, yeah. My car got trashed down on Start Street too. I need a muffler and a paint job."

He furrowed his brows. "What kind of a car is it?"

"It's a classic. A Nova."

"What year?"

"Not important."

There was another knock on the door and I rolled my eyes. Who now?

I went to the door and looked through the peephole. Ah..jeez. It was Arnold. I opened the door and let him in. I shuffled back to the kitchen and pulled out another coffee cup and plate and set them on the counter. "Help yourself."

He looked at Morelli and leveled a glare on him and kept going to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee and left it black. Morelli and I both watched him as he moved like a big cat for his size and settled into my none too comfortable living room chair.

I said, "Joe Morelli, meet Ranger Manoso."

Joe said, "You've been earning a reputation in the community as a tough bounty hunter."

Carlos said, "I'm not the only one earning a reputation. You're free because of Stephanie, how does that feel?"

Morelli grinned. "Damned good. I want to take her out on a date to celebrate. How about it, Cupcake?"

I looked at Carlos and his face was hard and serious. "She is not available, Morelli."

I couldn't believe what he just said. Bossy man... "What? Oh, I am so available. Joe, when do you want to go out?"

He looked at Carlos and laughed. "How about tonight."

"Fine. What time?"

Morelli popped the rest of his cupcake in his mouth and got up and kissed me on the cheek. "How about seven and wear something sexy."

"Perfect." He turned and sauntered out the door of my apartment.

Carlos sat there staring at me and his nostrils were flaring. "I thought when the Morelli thing was over that you would come to your senses and take the Rangeman job and come back to_ ME_."

"What? I didn't tell you that I was going to do either for sure. You told me that you don't do relationships. I'm not going to work there and give up my life and abide by all your fucking rules! I don't want to be your mistress, your kept woman. That's not me."

"I don't want you to go out with him and if you sleep with him, I'll have to kill him."

"What? Are you crazy? You really make me nervous and I think you need to leave."

He got up and reached down and scooped me up off the couch and flung me over his shoulder and started toward my bedroom.

I yipped and squealed. "Put me down, you big oaf. You better stop now. You don't have my consent to do whatever you're planning. Please put me down." I must have gotten through to him because he dropped me on the bed and turned away and growled.

His tone became softer and he said, "I know what I said and that was my rule _before_ I met you._ I_ want to be the one to take you out on a date tonight and make love to you again…"

I looked at his back and got up and walked around him to see his face. He looked anguished and abashed and I had a feeling that nobody would ever or has ever used those words to describe a look on this man's face. I put my hand on his cheek and he leaned into it.

"Honesty works better for me than that caveman routine. What changed your mind about your rule? You have way too many you know?"

He smiled at me. "A few days ago, a blue eyed curly headed little brunette wearing more attitude than skirt walked into a diner and flipped my life upside down. _I_ found the treasure,_ I_ took you home first. I want you for myself."

I think maybe that was about the sweetest thing that any man had ever said to me. I reached up and pulled the tie out of his hair and ran my fingers through it and he moaned. Then I pulled his head down to my neck and I hugged him. He gently nuzzled me and then kissed me. "That's what I want, Carlos. I want a sweet, gentle man that's honest with me. Save the badass routine for your job because it's what makes you a good leader and brings you home safe."

He looked into my eyes. "Babe, please cancel that date and give us a chance."

"Okay. I'm still more inclined to hurt Morelli than sleep with him anyway. We have some bad history."

He smiled at me and gave me one of those slow sweet panty melting kisses that he's so good at. "What's your plans for the day?"

"I need to go to the police station and the bonds office and I need to get a new muffler."

He grinned. "Babe, I saw the car and a new muffler is not going to draw attention away from it."

"You're right. You know anybody that does graffiti art. It would be cheaper than a paint job."

He chuckled. "You have a brand new car at Rangeman."

"Yeah. But, I'm kind of attached to the pussymobile." He guffawed.

"I have an idea. I know a guy. I'll take the Nova to him and we'll see what he can do with it. You can keep your toy."

I perked up. "That sounds good." I put my arms around his neck and climbed him and kissed him all over his face.

"Babe, this is not going to sound very eloquent or romantic. I'll take you out on plenty of dates, but tonight I just want to have a quiet dinner and fuck all night long. I've missed you."

"Hmmm. I don't know. What's for dinner?"

"What do you want?"

"Something with pasta and lots of gooey cheese and meat and cake. I want to eat cake."

He groaned. "Babe, that stuff will kill you."

"I was thinking that I would eat the icing off your boat."

His eyes smoldered and he grinned. "Done. I'll get Ella on it right away. What flavor icing?"

"Chocolate."

"Pack a bag and come to Rangeman as soon as you get finished today." He reached in his pocket and handed me his keys.

"Can I bring Rex? What are these keys for?"

He raised an eyebrow. "The rodent? They're to the Escalade outside. I'm taking the Nova."

I smacked his arm. "My hamster. Okay, cool."

He grinned. "Yeah. You can bring him. See you tonight." He carried me to the door kissing me and gently sat me down and turned and was gone.

I called Morelli.

"Morelli here."

"Joe, it's Stephanie."

"Hey, where do you want to go tonight?"  
"Sorry. I'm cancelling the date."

"Manoso?"

"Yes, we kind of already have a thing. We talked and we're going to give it a chance."

I heard him sigh. "Call me if it doesn't work out? I really wanted to show you that I'm different."

"Sure. How about you show me by being my friend."

"I can do that. So, pizza, beer and a game some night?"

"Sounds good."

"Thanks again for what you did for me, Cupcake. I won't forget it."

"Welcome. Bye."

TBC -


	10. Chapter 10

A/N - Hey ladies! Dontcha' love the soft side of Ranger? Yum..yum. I thought since he's usually written slam against the wall caveman, I would try a different twist.

**Chapter 10**

Carlos had taken the Nova and left me his truck. I went to the police station to give my statement and get that out of the way and then drove to the bonds office and walked in.

Connie looked up and grumbled, "Hey Steph."

Her desk was covered and she had folders everywhere.

"What's going on?"

"Your cousin, the sexual deviant, ran our new file clerk off coming on to her. Pee Wee 'the perv' had to touch her this morning and she quit and walked out. I have to catch this shit up before I can even place an ad for a new file clerk. Dammit! That little shit."

I thought for a minute. "Let me make a call."

I stepped outside and called Lula. "What's yo' pleasa'."

I snickered. "Uh..number eleven."

"Nuh..uh. You got the wrong..ho' for that shit. Gonna' have to refer you to somebody with special skills. Just a minute."

I giggled. "Lula, It's me Stephanie. I'm kidding you. What is a number..? On second thought, I don't want to know."

"Hey girl. Them number elevens pay good, but damn. You _don't_ want to know."

"Hey, would you be interested in a job at the place where I work?"

She asked, "What kind of job is it?"

"It's a file clerk job at my cousin Vinnie's bail bonds office. He's a weasel and keeps running girls off by making them uncomfortable with his sexual advances. I figure you could handle him."

"Uhm..hmm. He a pervert?"

"Yup."

"I could handle his ass. You bet I could."

I said, "You want to come talk to his office manager? She needs you right now."

"Sure, I can do that."

"It's on Hamilton. We'll be here."

"Okay. Be right there."

I walked in the door and said to Connie. "I think I got you a girl and Vinnie won't bother this one. If he messes with her, she'll break his little gherkin off, pickle it and feed it to him."

Connie started cracking up. "That's perfect. She's hired. I got some skip tracing for you girl."

"Okay." She handed me a stack. There were eight folders in the stack. Shit.

"I gotta' go back and see your pal at the weapons shop. He sold me a little stun gun that stings like a damn bee. Almost got me hurt when I tried to use that thing."

"Yeah. You're gonna' need some reliable weapons... Wait, you had to try and use it already?"

"Well, me and the lady coming in may have gotten into a little scrape on Stark..."

"Wha..? I was gonna' say you need some trainin' if you're gonna' keep doing this. Now, I'm gonna' say do it fast! It will make the job easier and keep you from getting hurt or worse."

"Yeah. I got a little gun and I'm going to learn how to use it. I should take some kind of butt kicking classes or something too. That might be fun."

She was snickering at me. "Might be. You handled yourself really well with the Morelli thing. You should be proud. According to 'Burg' gossip you went from flaming she bitch to blazing heroin overnight."

I smirked, "No doubt Angela Morelli was behind some of that. She has a gossip ring all her very own. I think I am proud, Connie."

She said, "Say, what's going on with you and Ranger? You two didn't get along or what?"

"No. We got along too good."

She raised an eyebrow. "What? Tell me. Tell me now."

"We um..wediditafterthediner."

"NO YOU DID..N'T!" I nodded.

She was holding her chest and leaning over in her chair. "Oh, please tell me..he was good wasn't he? I picture that man capable of doing what the big earth movers do except with multiple 'O.G.'s'? Oh, the fantasies I've had about that hot hunk of man."

I felt a little evil coming over me. "Meh..after some initial starts and stops and working with it some, he finally puttered to a happy ending for both of us."

"Wha..? Fuck! Now, who am I gonna' replace in my fantasies during my happy time?! Who? You just ruined it for me! Ranger and putter in the same sentence girl? Aww..man." She put her head down on the desk and pounded it a couple of times and then I laughed and saved her.

"Connie..I was kidding."

She looked up and I swear she almost had tears in her eyes. "Wha..? You was bustin' _my_ balls, girl? You do know I have mob ties..right?" Now she was grinning.

I laughed. "Connie, you do have a good set and I wasn't trying to bust them. He was actually, all that and a bag of chips."

"I KNEW IT! So what's going on now?"

"Well, he's bossy and pushy and we had a disagreement. Just today though, we talked and I think that we're going to try dating."

"That's great. So, Morelli is fair game?"

"Oh, yeah. Just be careful and use protection. I don't know how much he's changed yet."

"Girl, I don't care. I'd be happy with a ticket for one ride only. I've had fantasies about that man too. I'd buy a ticket just to see that Italian stallion naked." We started giggling.

The door opened and in walked Lula with orange hair, yellow spandex top, black spandex pants, four inch platform heels and orange accessories. She was a plus sized woman that shopped at the '5-7-9' store. I looked at Connie and her mouth was open and her eyes were all bugged out.

"Hey, girls. Where is that little pervert I'm gonna' be workin' for?"

"He's not here right now. Lula, this is Connie Rosolli. She's the office manager."

"Nice ta' meet ya'. I'm Lula Belle Willis." She stuck out her hand and Connie shook it."

"Nice to meet you Lula. Have you done filing before?"

"No. I just mostly have experience doin'..."

"Uh..Lula. It's a piece of cake. Think of your numbered system you use now and what each one means. Well, a filing system is kind of like that." I winked at her.

Her face lit up. "Oh, hell yeah. I can do that."

I said, "I think you girls will get along fine. I'm gonna' go. I need some new lingerie. I got a date tonight with a very sexy man."

"Aww..shit! You're gettin' Ranger nookie and I'm gonna' be thinkin' about it all damn day now." Connie's head hit the desk again.

Lula bent over and looked at her. "I think her sugar is low. I got this." She reached into her giant bag and produced a small box of doughnuts and laid them in front of Connie. She pulled one out and waved it near her head and Connie reached out and snatched it. Damn! Good call.

Lula said, "Girl, I heard you say somethin' bouta' date. You need ta' go to the Pleasure Treasures. Outfit yo' self right."

Connie was munching and started giggling. "We should all go when Vinnie gets back. I want to see what you get."

Lula clapped her hands. "See, you my sista's now and Lula gonna' hook you up. I got this, I know what men like. I'll help you select some good shit."

An hour later, Vinnie had come back and met Lula and beat feet to his office and slammed the door with very little lip and not one sexual squeak or move. Connie had declared her a perfect fit for the office. Twenty minutes later, we were now in the Pleasure Treasures shop and I was way out of my element. A shower massager was one thing, this stuff was entirely another and I was about to get a little education.

Lula handed me a basket and started pulling me through the store. "She dropped some crotchless panties in and a cut out bra to match, a sequined thong with pasties, a nurse and a maid outfit, lube, a big vibrator, a tiny vibrator, scented massage oil, a vibrating cock ring and a paddle. She must really like vibrators.

When she started to put fuzzy handcuffs in, I stopped her. "Got the handcuffs covered. What's the little vibrator for?"

"In case he likes a little stimulation of the booty kind. Know what I mean?"

"Oh. Well..he did say he liked that."

Connie erupted, "Jesus Christ! You already been there?"

"Noop. No. Not yet."

Lula said, "You got ta' get him somethin' sexy to wear too." She picked up a satin thong and threw it in." I took it out and handed it back to her. Her brows were raised in question.

"Too small."

"Oh, well. How about this one?" She held up another one with a bigger pouch in the front.

I shook my head. "Nuh..uh. Bigger."

Connie erupted again. "Holy shit! How big?" I picked up the biggest one and placed it in the basket.

Lula said, "Damn girl. You say this man is fine and he got all that too?"

Connie was pouting now. "Hell yes, he's fine and I'm fucking jealous!"

I paid an indecent price for a basket full of sinful items. Either Carlos would be thrilled or he would be horrified with my pink grocery bag. We all hopped into the Escalade and I started the engine and Lula threw her hands up. "Fuck! I forgot I gotta' date with Desmond tonight. I need a couple of things. Come on."

I frowned. I was pretty much done with the 'PT' for the day. "What do you need help with? Can we sit in the truck?"

"No. He pays really good when uh..presented with particular smells. That's his thang'. My allergies are all messed up right now and I can't smell too good. I need help choosin'."

I groaned. "So you need us to come in and smell what kind of stuff for you?"

"Uhn..little on the funky side..not..too..much." Connie and I looked at each other and made faces.

Connie said, "Like how funky?"

"Well, they don't carry the exact scent here, it's called 'Liquid Essence of Ass'."

Connie and I screwed up our mouths and stuck out our tongues. "Eww, Lula. I don't _even_ want to know what that smells like."

"Now don't judge. It's bearable. Smells like a uh..mix of sweaty butt crack, broccoli fart or sometimes turkey, gym socks and a hint of roadkill."

Connie said, "What the fuck is a mixture of sweaty butt crack? Like meaning more than one? And, how the hell do they bottle stuff like that?"

"Uhn..well..." We heard a whine and a pop. Wait, I recognized that sound. We all jumped out and I ran to the back of the truck. There were vegetables splattered all over the road and then we heard a boom and the truck engine died.

I sighed and hit my speed dial one. "Yo."

"Yo, Carlos."

"You okay, Babe?"

"Yes, but your truck isn't."

"What happened?"

"Vegetables in the tail pipe."

"Just a minute. Okay, I'll send you a vehicle."

"I'm really sorry. I'm at…"

He chuckled. "I know where you're at and don't worry about the Escalade. I've ordered a new car and I was about to trade it for another truck."

"Oh. That makes me feel better. Somebody must have seen me here that knew about last night and thought this would be funny. Sorry it wasn't the Nova."

"I'm serious, Babe. I'm not upset at all. See you tonight?"

"Okay." He disconnected.

While we were waiting, Connie and Lula ran in the store to run Lula's funky errand and Connie came out green faced and eyes watering. Boy, I'm glad that I just squeaked out of that mission.

A couple of Rangeman guys showed up along with a tow truck to retrieve the disabled Escalade and they left me one of the SUV's. They introduced themselves as Hal and Cal. Cal had a flaming tattoo on his forehead and Lula was fascinated by it and had to touch it and Connie was just looking at their muscular bodies and giving them the lusty eye. Hal was huge..all over and I caught her staring at his crotch and elbowed her twice. Hal had caught it too and had moved his hands there and was shifting his feet like he was severely uncomfortable. Poor guy had already been red as a beet the whole time we were standing there outside the kinky boutique. I wondered if everything on him turned red when he blushed.

I dropped the women off and went back to my apartment and soaked in the tub and took my time primping for my night with Carlos. I put on my special panties and bra and a little blue jean jumper and t-shirt. He seemed to like my school girl look before, so I thought I would try it again.

I packed a little overnight bag and picked up Rex and got in the Explorer and headed to Rangeman. When I pulled into the parking space, Carlos came off the elevator into the garage looking fine with his hair damp and loose and tight jeans hanging low on his lean hips and sandals on his sexy feet. He opened the driver's door and pulled me out and into his arms and kissed me. "Hey, how did you know I was here?"

"We have trackers on all the vehicles. I told the men on monitors to call me when you were arriving. You have some things to carry in?"

I nodded. "In the back." I picked up Rex from the seat and got out. Carlos held up the pink bag and looked at the writing on the side and grinned at me.

"Scared," I asked him.

"Hell no. Call me giddy with excitement to see what's in this bag."

I burst out laughing. "Giddy? Is that a word that your men would ever use in the same sentence with Ranger?"

He grinned. "Nada." We headed for the elevator and Carlos took the keys from me and hit the button to get us to his apartment.

When we walked in his door, the apartment was dark. He pulled me into the dining room where there were candles lit and the dinner was ready and on the table waiting. I turned and looked at him. "You're a romantic?"

"Babe, I don't have any experience at it. I'm winging it. Using my imagination. I never had to woo a woman in my life."

I laughed. "Woo? Bet your men would have a field day with that one too."

He smirked at me. "Babe..."

I reached up and put my arm around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. "I think you're doing fine. I just appreciate the thought, sweet man."

He smiled. "Let's eat our dinner. I'll put your things in the bedroom and open the wine and pour and you fill the plates and put it in the microwave to warm for a minute. Meet you at the table." He smacked a quick kiss on my lips and headed off to the bedroom. I watched his super fine ass move as he walked away and sighed. I was really looking forward to tonight.

TBC -


	11. Chapter 11

Previously -

_He smiled. "Let's eat our dinner. I'll put your things in the bedroom and open the wine and pour and you fill the plates and put it in the microwave to warm for a minute. Meet you at the table." He smacked a quick kiss on my lips and headed off to the bedroom. I watched his super fine ass move as he walked away and sighed. I was really looking forward to tonight._

**Chapter 11**

There was a casserole dish full of cheesy lasagna and plate of crusty rolls to go with it. I loaded up two plates and heated them for a minute and headed to the table. Carlos had opened some wine and met me there and sat down. I snickered. "I noticed we don't have any garlic bread. Was that on purpose?"

"Yes. I told Ella to skip the onions too."

"Aww. There's that romantic again. Didn't want to offend?" I took a bite of the lasagna and it was delicious.

"I like garlic, but wouldn't think it sexy to be sweating it out of our pores and breathing it on each other during the night." I closed my eyes and swallowed. Ooh, I got a chill thinking about pores and sweating and breathing hard and our night together. Weird, sexy talker my man was and I loved it.

"Good thinking. This lasagna is really delicious."

"It's the healthy variety. That's not real sausage. The whole thing is made with vegetables and low fat cheeses." I dropped my fork.

"Did you trick me?"

"Not really, but I did want you to see that you could do the Rangeman diet and enjoy your food. Ella made you a low-fat cake and I'm positive you'll like that too."

I began eating again. "Well, I gotta' say. I am surprised it's so good." I broke off a piece of bread and went to the fridge and looked in. "Carlos, where is the butter?"

"Babe..?"

I looked at him. "Seriously? If I'm going to stay here, there are a few things that are going to have to be added to your fridge and pantry that I can't live without."

He grinned. "Make a list and I'll give it to Ella. I wouldn't want you unhappy, now that I got you back up here."

"Damn skippy, you better take care of my needs."

"Babe, I plan too. Just as soon as we get finished with this meal, I want to see what's in that pink bag."

"I had some help shopping. Like you are guessing at romantic stuff, I was guessing at that stuff. It's a grab bag. Lula and Connie both were throwing shit in my basket."

"Connie? She knows about us? Who's Lula?"

"Yep. Cat's out of the bag. She knows a lot about you too. We bought you something and it came in sizes. Lula is a ho' I met on Stark. I got her a job at Vinnie's and now she's going to be an ex-ho' and file clerk." His eyes were huge.

"Babe, what did you buy me that came in sizes?"

"It's a satin thong. It's your color."

He dropped his fork and guzzled his wine. "She already looks at me like she wants to jump me and ride me like a rodeo bronc'. Now it's going to be worse."

"Yup, she really wants to do that now."

"Babe..?"

"Lula also, dropped a mini vibrator in the basket and asked me if you liked um..booty stuff."

His eyes got big again and he turned to me. "And, what did you say?"

I shrugged. "Yes."

He dropped his fork again. "Dammit! Babe...I always heard that women could be worse than men when they talk. Now I believe it."

"You mad or are you embarrassed?"

"No..yes. Shit! New territory again."

I grinned. "So, I'm the only woman that gets to ride you like a rodeo bronc'? Right?"

His face changed and he smiled and his eyes softened and he picked up my hand and kissed it. "Just you."

"Goody. I was kind of thinking more along the lines of riding you like Zorro though."

"Is there a cape and a mask in that bag, Babe?"

"Damn! Didn't think about that. Now I'll have to go back." He smirked and then laughed.

We had dinner and gooey Ella goodness by candlelight and I made Carlos eat cake with me when he told me it was made with vegetables and applesauce and it was a chocolate cake. It just happened to be delicious. We cleaned up and blew out the candles and took our wine and went to the bedroom. Carlos picked up the pink bag and looked inside. He pulled out the thong I bought him and made a face and looked at me.

"Babe…"

"You should fill that in nicely. Black is your color and you said you don't have much in the way of underwear." He snorted and reached in and grabbed something else. It was lube. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Lula put it in and she suggested the small vibrator, but I got you a better one."

Two eyebrows were raised and he reached his hand in and pulled out a nice sized vibrator with a face on it.

"Babe?"

"It has a masculine face. Says it has smooth action and is very stimulating. Thought you'd appreciate it." He grimaced and reached in again and pulled out the paddle.

"Was thinking of your nice butt again." This time he grinned and shook his head and reached in and pulled out the massage oil.

"Now we're getting somewhere. I like this." He reached in and pulled out the outfits and he grinned again. "These I like too." He reached in and pulled out the little cock ring vibrator. He grinned at me. "Normally, I wouldn't need this..." He laid it aside and grinned and reached in again. He pulled out a small box and raised both eyebrows. "Thought you didn't get one of these?"

"It's um..for my purse in case of emergencies."

"What kind of emergency?"

"The kind um..where I might be missing you and I haven't seen you for days? Could also be when I'm bored." He chuckled and pushed the items back in the bag.

"Come here. I've missed you." He pulled me on to his lap and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. "What's under this cute little dress?"

"Surprise." He grinned and got busy removing the straps on my little jumper and pulled my shirt over my head and looked at the bra.

"Babe, you're missing some pieces from your bra." He smiled and touched one little pink nipple poking through. I moaned and he pulled the jumper over my head and looked at my panties. He raised his eyes and they were smoldering now.

"If I didn't want you so bad, I would say lets just leave these on. But, I want us skin to skin tonight." I shivered a little and it was the good kind.

"I think I do too."

He laid me back on the bed removing the little bra with the peep holes at the same time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and moaned and he lowered his head and looked in my eyes right before he barely touched my lips and the kiss changed. I opened for him and he lingered for moment and then took my mouth with his tongue and didn't come up until he had explored, staked his claim and left his mark. "Mmmm..is that all you got?"

He chuckled. "No. When your toes start to cramp from curling, then I'm through."

I grinned and said, "Well, okay then. Lets get you comfortable too." Looking at his face, I noticed that he looked tired around his sexy brown eyes. So, I got busy and pulled his shirt off his handsome chest and over his head and rolled him over and I got up to do the rest. When I kneeled down to slip the sandals off his feet, he sat up and looked down at me. His eyes were changing and becoming soft as I continued to gently undress him, unbuttoning his jeans. He raised his hips as I unzipped him and I pulled and then he reached for me and pulled me up and rolled us over.

He buried his head in my curls and breathed in and said, "I'm sorry Stephanie, I can't wait this time." He reached down and gently pulled the little panties down and off and touched me. I was ready for him. I had been ready as soon as I had entered the apartment.

He wrapped one big arm around me and guided himself in with the other hand as he looked in my eyes and smiled at me and then he pressed his lips to mine and commenced to make my poonaner sing and my heart flutter a lot before he brought us both to a very special place.

I was dreaming about being on this luxury yacht in the aquamarine blue Caribbean sea and the waves were lapping the boat making it go gently up and down. I mumbled, "Pull that anchor up, we're taking this boat out for a ride." The waves started crashing and now the boat was really rocking and I heard thunder. "Hurry! Thunderstorm coming." My eyes fluttered open and I looked down. I was laying on Carlos's chest and it was moving and vibrating. Looking up, I saw that he was laughing. "Babe, you were dreaming and talking in your sleep."

I rolled my eyes and moved to sit up and grimaced. "Ow. I'm sore Carlos."

"You're sore? I was almost asleep when you attacked my ass with that damn machine. You're supposed to put lube on it first. The end result was fine, but woman, read the directions first."

"Oopsie. My bad. I forgot. I don't know about this stuff. I'm just learning."

He kissed me. "And, that's fine. I love that you want to be adventurous and do things for me."

I said, "But, I don't want to hurt you or disappoint you."

"Babe, I don't think that will ever happen living in the Plum universe. I'm fine." He nuzzled me and kissed me and pulled me out of the bed and to the shower where we added another seductive chapter to our book of love-making.

He got out first and by the time I was ready and got to the kitchen, Ella had already delivered breakfast. It looked and smelled delicious. It was pancakes with berries and whipped cream on top and bacon on the side. I went to the coffee pot and poured a cup and sugared and creamed it and looked at the plate. "I sense there is trickery afoot."

He grinned. "Just try it first before you judge."

I took a big bite of the pancakes and moaned. "Umm..yum..yum. These are fantastic."

"Totally, Ella's creation. She makes everything healthy and good tasting."

"The woman is goood!"

"When the men are here, they don't complain. Ella cooks and we provide the meals. No way would we expect the men to try to do the diet all on their own. Most would crash and burn in a city known for such rich food. We simply ask them to eat healthy during work hours."

"I could do that."

He winked at me. "I know you could, Babe. What are your plans for today?"

"I have a big stack of skip files that Connie gave me. I have to start working on those and I need to go back to the weapons shop and buy a better stun gun."

"I'll give you a stun gun that will knock out any of my men including Tank. Would you consider becoming a Rangeman employee and taking a partner? We have an arrangement with Vinnie."

"Please give me time before you start pressing me again, Carlos."

"I don't mean to be doing that. I just care about you and want you safe and close to me. That simple."

I got up and hugged him and kissed him. "That's sweet and I'm a lucky woman. Give me some time to get used to us."

He kissed me back. "Come back tonight. Leave Rex. Ella and I will look in on him while you're gone."

I laughed. "Okay. That's funny. You on hamster duty. I'll feed him before I leave. He's pretty low maintenance."

I put our dishes in the dishwasher and grabbed my bag. Carlos took me down and showed me the armory and gun range and picked a stun gun and charger and gave them to me.

I hugged him. "Thank you. Sweet man."

"You're welcome. You have a gun yet?"

"I bought one, but I don't know how to use it yet."

"You have it with you?"

"No. It's in my cookie jar at my apartment."

He raised an eyebrow. "The Cookie jar? Get it and bring it. We'll come down to the range in the morning."

"Okay. I need to stop there anyway to get more clothes. Should I assume that you want me to stay with you a lot?"

I brown eyes were smoldering again. "Yes."

"Well alright, but only because you have very nice sheets."

"That's all?"

"And, I like your body..wash. It smells really good. That's all."

"Babe..? See you tonight." He grinned and kissed me again and dropped some keys in my hand.

"You need your Lexus, remember?"

"Oh, right. Thanks. Later sweety."

TBC -


	12. Chapter 12

Previously -

_"Babe..? See you tonight." He grinned and kissed me again and dropped some keys in my hand._

_"You need your Lexus, remember?"_

_"Oh, right. Thanks. Later sweety."_

**Chapter 12**

Before I got to the Lexus the elevator door opened and Boohoo and Babcakes stepped out and walked up to me. Manny grinned at me and said, "Hi Stephanie."

"What the..? You speak?"

He shrugged. "Don't much give people the time of day until they earn my respect. You earned it. Catching Morelli and getting the information to put Ramirez and that guy Louis in jail by yourself was fucking awesome. The only weapon you used was a little can of pepper spray and your head. You got guts, chica. Props, man." Then he presented me with his fist for a bump. I grinned and gave him one.

"Uh..thanks, Manny. Sorry I called you Babycakes." He cracked up laughing.

"Hector liked that name. He's been calling me that when he's in a certain kind of mood." He winked at me. "I told him to stop fussing with you. You're the only one that ever made him crazy like that. Anyone else aggravates him, he just breaks something off or off's them. You two remind me of my sisters fighting at home."

I grimaced. I didn't want to be broken or dead. Now I knew who really wore the pants in that relationship, too. Hector went to spit in his hand again.

"Ah..shit, Hector. Can't we just fist bump too." He shrugged and stuck his fist up and we bumped. They waved and started to their SUV and Manny said, "See you on Sunday."

"What do you mean by that?"

"At your mother's house for dinner."

"Ack..double shit! You guys do know they're crazy?"

"Free meal, man. Entertainment is good and the food is decent." I rolled my eyes at Manny. First, he doesn't say a damned thing and now he won't shut up.

I checked the folders that Connie had given me and actually knew a couple of people. These would be easy. I decided to tackle those first.

I drove to the first address and knocked on the door. A couple minutes later, a man opened the door blinking and yawning and..scratching his balls. "What size you want, man?"

I looked down. "Balls?"

"No, man. Bag."

I rolled my eyes. "Same thing, dude."

"What? Hey, I know you. Didn't we go to school together?"

"Maybe."

He chuckled. "Yeah. We did. Uh..Stephanie. Right? You need some weed?"

"No and yes. Walter, I need to take you to the police station. You missed a court date."

"Yeah, bummer. I don't want to go."

"Walter…"

"Mooner."

"What..?"

"Call me Mooner. I can't go there, man."

"Just to see the judge?"

"Place has bad vibes, freaky mojo. I get paranoid."

I smelled the_ weed_ on him.

"Mooner, I'll call Vinnie to bail you right back out. You won't be there much longer than for processing again. Besides, the paranoia is mostly from the pot, not the place."

He shrugged. "You hungry. I was just getting ready to have a bowl of Fruit Loops and watch some Star Trek reruns. Want some?"

"No thanks. I had breakfast. How about I hang here until you lose some of your buzz, then we go when you're more comfortable." He shrugged.

"I'll give it some consideration, man."

Finally, two hours later we were on our way. I had to threaten him by telling him that if he didn't go with me that some scarier guys would show up and steal his weed and that did freak him out. I dropped him off and headed to the 'Burg' to find the next skip.

I was on the doorstep of Maude Makowski and was half afraid to ring the doorbell. She was a mean woman when I was a kid. She grouched and spit at all the kids for stepping in her yard and heaven forbid your ball drop in it. It was gone, confiscated. One kid wrecked his bike in front of her house and fell in her yard and she hauled his bike off and his pants. Parents had to send the police to get it back. Surely, by now she was too old to be that scary?

I rang the bell. Nothing. I rang it again. "Whatever you're selling, I don't want any. Get the hell off my damn porch!" I jumped nearly out of my skin. The old bag had come from the back and snuck up on me.

"M..Mrs. Makowski?"

"Who's askin'?"

"Stephanie Plum. I'm with Plum Bail Bonds."

"So?"

"You didn't go to court and you took out a bond."

"Big deal."

"You have to go to court or you'll go to jail for contempt and whatever you put up for the bond, you'll lose."

"Let em' come and get me. I ain't going."

"You have to go. I can force you to go and if I don't some big guys will come and take you out of your house." I patted myself on the back. That one worked good for Mooner.

"You see that slot in the door, missy?"

"Yeah."

"You ever see that movie, 'Home Alone'?"

"Yeah."

"Well, mine ain't no bb gun. Some big guys come up on my porch and threaten me and I'll blow the meatballs straight off their kielbasas."

"Are you um..Italian and polish?"

"Yeah. What about it? You make a polack crack and I'll get my gun, missy."

Everybody knows how to use a gun but me. Damn, Carlos is right. I need training.

"Mrs. Makowski. Nobody is going to hurt you today. You'll be processed again and I can call and have my boss or his secretary bond you right back out. Just curious. What got you arrested?"

"Tried to blow the chicken nuggets off a courier that keeps trying to deliver me some legal papers. Them ingrates I birthed say I'm crazy and want power of attorney so they can send me to an old fart home so I can drool till death do I part and they can get my money."

She apparently has a problem with testicles. Maybe they should send a woman.

"Well, lets just take care of this problem today. Go get your purse and I'll drive you and stay and bring you home. Okay?"

"If you promise to stay and bring me home, maybe I'll go. I don't want no more trouble." She waddled into the house and got her purse and came out. It was half the size of her little bent over five foot frame. We were down the steps and half way to the car and I was thinking and looked at that purse.

"Mrs. Makowski, do you have a gun in that bag?"

"What if I do? I have a right to protect myself."

I took a breath. "Do you have a permit to carry it concealed?" Haha. I read the papers I signed at Vinnie's about my permit and weapons.

"No, but I got rights. I'm an American citizen."

I sighed. "Lets see it." She pulled it out and could barely hold the gun.

"Holy Jeez! It was a freaking Desert Eagle MK Hand-Canon. I remember some guys looking at a similar gun at the munitions shop and they were laughing and talking about having to work out to handle the power behind the thing."

"Mrs. Makowski, are there bullets in that gun?"

She held it up and nodded and pulled the trigger. My eyes were drawn between two actions. One, was her little body flying backwards and through the air and the other was the noise of the bullet making contact with my new Lexus that Ranger had bought me. It went straight through the little door where you fill the gas tank and then exploded. There was a delayed reaction before the second explosion and the fireball. I stood shocked and watching the scene in horror until I felt the heat and had to move away.

I went to check on Mrs. Makowski. She was laying flat on her back with her hands and legs out and her skirt was covering her head and her granny panties and support hose were showing. I was worried at first that she was dead and then she groaned. I reached and pulled her skirt down and looked at her face. "Are you injured, Mrs. Makowski?"

She sat up and blinked a couple times and said, "That wasn't so bad. Last time I went through the wall of my hall closet. Made a big damned mess and hurt like a mother."

I sighed and said, "Maybe you should get a smaller gun."

We heard a fire truck and sirens and I sat down on the ground next to her and we watched as they all arrived. I just couldn't bring myself to make the call to Carlos. I just watched as my beautiful blue car with those cushy leather seats and all that nice stuff in it burned to a crisp. My phone rang and I fished it out of my bag and looked at the display. I groaned.

"Hey."

"You okay, Babe."

"Yep."

"Your GPS tracker went offline."

"Did it?"

"Babe..?"

I sighed. "Okay. I didn't have insurance on this car. Did you?"

"Is it damaged?"

From where I was sitting, that struck me as funny and I snorted and started chuckling. I looked over at Mrs. Makowski and I said, "The guy on the phone wants to know if the car is damaged." Her mouth twisted and then she busted out cackling and the next thing you know we were rolling around on her lawn howling with laughter. Then the laughter turned to tears for my pretty blue car.

Next thing I heard was "Cupcake? What the hell happened here?" I pointed to Mrs. Makowski's gun laying a few feet away and I said, "Her gun accidentally went off."

His eyes moved to it and he said, "Jesus fucking christ! That's a hand-canon. It's a wonder one of you wasn't killed.

Two SUV's and a flatbed arrived. Two new Rangemen walked up. "Hey guys. Had a little accident." They looked at the Lexus and grimaced and looked back at me.

"We've heard about you Stephanie. I'm Ram and this is Junior. How did this happen and are you alright?" I nodded and pointed to the gun that Morelli was now holding and the guys were all admiring it like men would a classic car.

Morelli eventually gave the gun back to Mrs. Makowski and told her to put it up and leave it or he would confiscate it next time. She grumbled and shuffled into the house with it. The Rangemen waved and walked away shaking their heads and chuckling. They left me one of the Explorers and I told Mrs. Makowski that we were ready to go.

She said, "Lets get this over with. I'm missing my TV programs now." I puffed out my cheeks and blew the air out and nodded. I just lost a brand new car and she's griping about missing TV shows. Sheesh.

I was glad to finally get to the station. She had pushed every button in the car and more than once and kept changing my radio station. The last time I swatted her hand, she went digging in her purse. Thank goodness that we were pulling into the station now before she found what she was looking for.

Connie was on her way to bond Mrs. Makowski out. So, I took her in and she was processed and we waited. Only two down today and I was exhausted and depressed. I gave Connie the folders and the receipts to take with her and dropped off Mrs. Makowski back at her house and headed to my apartment to get my own gun and some clothes.

Back at my apartment, I took a few steps into my foyer and stopped. I could see that my living room wasn't quite right and I reached in my bag and pulled out my pepper spray. I took a couple steps toward the hallway and looked down it. Someone had definitely been in my apartment. As I got closer to the living room, I could see that my couch had actually been ripped and looking in the kitchen, my dishes were broken and cabinets open and food all over the floor.

I walked down the hallway to the bedroom and, "Son of a…!" My bed, my mattress was ruined. My clothes were strewn everywhere and the stuff from my dresser was on the floor. I cursed under my breath and checked my jewelry box. The few good pieces I had were still there. Strange. I didn't have much that was considered valuable, but a thief wouldn't just leave the stuff. I went to the bathroom next and it was a mess too.

I pulled out my phone to call Eddie and it was ripped right out of my hand and I saw it go flying by my head. I went to scream and a hand clapped over my mouth. A voice growled, "You little bitch. If you only knew how much you cost me. Ramirez was my living. I was invested and you went and fucked everything up and now I'm going to fuck you up."

Why is everyone calling me a bitch lately? I raised my pepper spray and aimed it backwards and squirted. He yelled and let me go and pulled a gun.

I ran to the kitchen and took the lid off my cookie jar that was about the only thing not broken and pulled out my gun and the bullets. I was talking to myself and trying to remember how to open it and put them in and then I heard footsteps. Shit! I should have gone for the front door and just ran. I'm going to beat feet that way now.

I went to move and there was a pop and a bullet whizzed past my head. I yelped and got the gun open. Another pop sounded and I ducked and the bullet whizzed over my head. One bullet in, two bullets in. A third pop sounded and this time, he didn't miss. Oh, fudgesicle! That really hurts.

TBC -

A/N Do yourself a favor and read a short one shot for some more chuckles. My girl NeedWings2Fly writes the cutest little stories. She sent me a little story to read that she was sharing with Marg. It was already funny and I added a few little funny's too and it is Cupcake deadly and Babe hilarious. Go have a read. It's called 'Deserves What He Gets'

Also, check her little Halloween ditty called 'Walking with Stoners'. That and her Office Hijinks are cute and funny!


	13. Chapter 13

Previously -

_I'm going to beat feet that way now._

_I went to move and there was a pop and a bullet whizzed past my head. I yelped and got the gun open. Another pop sounded and I ducked and the bullet whizzed over my head. One bullet in, two bullets in. A third pop sounded and this time, he didn't miss. Oh, fudgesicle! That really hurts._

_Note- Thank you Mantlady for pointing out my fishy mistake. Polack is a polish person __ (my husband is half this one and I'm reminded of the fact often)_ and pollack is a fish.

**Warning - There is another dinner scene here. That potty break before reading and the no hot beverage thing would apply.**

**Chapter 13**

I fell over on my side gritting my teeth as I began to feel the pain. Fucking hurts to get shot! I heard the footsteps and closed the gun and cocked it. Two bullets and I don't know how to shoot. Guess I should kiss my ass goodbye. I watched as he took a step toward me and I raised the gun and aimed and pulled the trigger. Nothing.

I heard a snort and I shook the gun and cocked it again and aimed and pulled the trigger. Nothing. The guy just stood there and started laughing at me this time. "You asshole. You shot me and now you're standing there laughing at me? Who the hell are you anyway? And, why are you tearing up my apartment and trying to kill me? I liked my mattress!"

"I'm Ramirez's manager, Jimmy Alpha. You put your damn nose in where it didn't belong and now you're going to pay you fucking cunt." Aww..I hate that word and this pain too. Now I'm really pissed. I raised the gun again and pulled the trigger and a pop sounded and a bullet came out this time and I got him. He looked down at his thigh and growled.

I pointed my finger at him and laughed. "Ha! I got you. That's what you get for calling me a cunt you jerk. And, by the way, Ramirez is a sick bastard! You train him to be one of those too?" He went to raise his gun again and I cocked mine and aimed and pulled the trigger and it went off. I would have been happy, but the problem was, I heard more than one pop and felt the impact. I had time to watch him stagger back and crumble and fall kind of like in slow motion before I lost consciousness. At least Rex hadn't been here to see his Mom go down.

In my dream I saw faces and heard voices going in and out. Boohoo was there and he wasn't pissed at me. He was holding me and said, "Estefania, I got you." I looked over and Babycakes was holding my hand with tears in his eyes. I smiled at him.

"Shit, Cupcake. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry for everything." I tried to bring him into focus. I heard pounding like thunder and felt big hands grab me and gently lift me. I looked into sad brown eyes and he choked out, "Babe. I didn't know you were still in danger. Please hang on for me. For us." He hugged me to him and I felt his anguish.

I whispered, "Kinda'..had a..bad day..."

Then a voice said, "Sir, we need to take her now. Please put her on the stretcher. She needs urgent medical attention right away…"

As I was coming out of my fog, I heard that anguished male voice speaking again. "I didn't mean to make you nervous or scare you after we first met. I just didn't want to let you go and I wanted you with me. I don't have any experience with this love shit. I didn't know how to tell you how I felt. Please don't leave me, Babe. I never wanted to be in a relationship and now I can't wait. I want you to be with me always."

I felt his hands on mine and he had his head down and I felt moisture on my hand. With great effort, I raised my hand to his head. He looked at me with tender brown eyes and leaned in and kissed me. I tried to talk and couldn't. He poured me some water and put a straw in and put it to my lips. It was good. I was so thirsty. I said, "You cried on me and I named Hector, Boohoo."

He smiled. "Babe, I don't want to spank a woman in a hospital bed."

I squeezed his hand. "But, you will when I get out of here?"

"I'll give you anything you want and need."

"Alpha?"

"He's dead."

"I killed someone."

"You did what you had to do to survive. He almost killed you."

"I was really scared."

"That's healthy and normal. That's what kicks the survival instinct into action. You did good."

"Bastard wrecked my apartment."

"You don't need it anymore. I want you to move in with me and I'm not letting you go again."

"Why?"

"Because, I love you."

"I think I love you, too."

"Where did that asshole get me?"

"Through the abdomen and under your arm."

"What damage?"

"Under the arm was clean to the right of your breast and he got an ovary. You had surgery and the bullet was removed."

"You didn't want any kids did you?"

"I have a daughter that lives with her mother in Florida. I just want you."

"I didn't think I did. Now..?"

"Babe, you still have a healthy ovary. I'll give you whatever you want. I'll make whatever you want happen."

"Weird conversations again." I touched his head. "I haven't known you that long."

"Doesn't matter. Must have been fate. It was love for me before you left my apartment that day."  
"Carlos?"

"Yes, Babe?"

"Fuck fate. You haven't met my parents yet." He chuckled and kissed me.

Five days in the hospital and Carlos was taking me home. To my new home with him. Hector and Manny had gone through my whole apartment and salvaged what they could of my things including my clothes and moved it all for me. The damaged furniture was hauled out and the apartment was cleaned and ready for a new resident. It would have been hard to go back there anyway.

All of Ranger's partners and some of the guys I'd met and even some I hadn't met had come to see me and introduce themselves while I was in the hospital. Connie and Lula had come by and they were getting along great and Lula was handling Vinnie, literally. The first time his hand had touched her ass, she had nearly squeezed the milk out of his coconuts. He took the long way around her now.

My parents and my Grandma had come to see me. My mother had been horrified when she found out what I had been up to and it had all been in the papers. Of course her phone was ringing off the hook and the 'Burg' gossip mill was going crazy and she was singing the "Why me" tune. Grandma was now calling Hector and Manny her boy toys and they were chauffeuring her around the neighborhood. They had even taken her to Stiva's funeral home. Stiva actually liked it when the guys came because Hector smacked her hands when she tried to raise a coffin lid. She had tried to get her hand on Manny's package a couple more times and got it stung good too. I don't know about street fighting, but Hector was a really good slapper.

It was Sunday night and we were heading to my parents house for dinner. If there was a test for Carlos and me, this would be it. He knew how nervous I was and squeezed my hand and held it. "Babe, it will be fine."

"We'll see if you're fine when your nuts are in a vice called Grandma Mazur's hand. Then there is the bitching banshee that is Helen." He grinned at me.

"Babe, I'm a badass. I take down very bad guys for a living. One little old lady doesn't scare me and I'm sure your mother isn't that bad." I snorted. We'll see about that.

We pulled up to the house and Carlos helped me out. Grandma was at the door. They knew I was bringing him. They had met him one time while I was in the hospital. It had been awkward and my mother had been very quiet. I knew that she was saving it up for this dinner. Grandma held the door grinning as we walked through. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carlos jump. And, contact. She nailed him already. I looked at him and he was grinning.

My Dad got up and came over and offered Carlos his hand. "Dad, this is my boyfriend, Carlos."

"I remember him from the hospital, Pumpkin. Nice to see you again, son. Thanks for staying with her and looking after her."

Carlos said, "I try sir, when she lets me." Dad laughed.

"My daughter does have a mind of her own. Always has."

"Yes sir. That's one of the things that I love about her and that aggravates the hell out of me."

I looked from one to the other. "Hello? I'm standing right here. Talk behind my back like normal people do for cripes sake." They both laughed.

My mother ran in the room wiping her hands on her dish towel. She looked Carlos up and down. "Mom, you remember Carlos from the hospital."

"Yes, I do. Welcome to our home. Dinner is ready in the dining room." Grandma tried to wiggle her little butt in next to Carlos and I whispered to her, "Scat." She just moved to the other side of him so we were all again sitting on one side of the table. There was a knock and in walked Hector and Manny.

Mom said, "Hello, boys, have a seat." When it came to cooking, Mom had no prejudices about who she was feeding as long as she was getting the accolades.

I said, "What are you guys doing here?"

Manny said, "There was nothing good on TV tonight. We came for the entertainment and good food." I rolled my eyes at them.

Carlos was looking at the fatty pot roast and mashed potatoes with butter still melting on the top and the gravy oozing with grease. Then he looked over at the green beans with bacon pieces and greasy drippings on them and the bread rolls toasted and already smeared with butter and looked up at me.

I smiled and said, "Bon appetit, sweetie." He gave me a lopsided grin and looked over at Hector and Manny.

"How many days a week have you two been eating over here?" They both looked a little sheepish.

Hector said, "Meh.., dos."

My Dad snorted, "Cuatro!"

Carlos said, "That equals four more hours in the gym, boys."

Hector looked at my Dad and mumbled, "Cuento de cancán (tattle tale)."

Dad said, "Vagar (mooch)." Carlos and I were both snickering.

Mom sat down and my Dad finished carving the roast and we started passing the food. Okay, one, two, three… "So, Carlos, the boys here work for you?"

"Yes ma'am, for my security company."

"Well, I understand that Stephanie has moved in your building now. It's mostly men, right?"

"Yes. I have a husband and wife that live and work there as well."

"Oh, I see. Well at least there is one other woman. It just doesn't really look right, you know."

Carlos said politely, "My men are like Hector and Manny. Honorable men, and they like your daughter very much."

"I assume this is just temporary. Right, Stephanie?"

I looked at Carlos and said, "Well, I'm hoping it's not."

"Do you mean that this could be a permanent relationship?"

I looked at Carlos again and smiled. "If I'm so lucky."

My mother looked horrified. "But Stephanie you can't be thinking permanent as in marriage and children."

I raised my eyebrows. "What? I thought getting me to do both of those was your primary goal in life?"

"Well, yes. It's just that...Well, I saw Joseph Morelli the other day and he said that he wants to date you and he would be a perfect husband for you. He has a good job and name thanks to you, he's handsome and your children would just be lovely."

I choked on my mashed potatoes. Hector, Manny and my Grandma's heads were going back and forth. "I don't want to have Morelli's children! I wouldn't let him touch with his tainted pole." Boohoo and Babycakes were now snickering. I looked at Carlos and he was just looking at his plate like he was trying to decide which greasy mess to stick his fork in next.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum! What a nasty thing to say and at the dinner table."

"You brought Morelli's dick up, I didn't." My mother's mouth flew open and she ran in the kitchen only to bring out her bottle of 'medicine' aka her Wild Turkey and a shot glass.

Manny chuckled, "Dick up...Good one!" Then my Dad, Hector and Grandma all snickered.

My Mom poured a shot and drank it down and said, "Why me? Why is my daughter the one that lives in sin with all those men? What will the neighbors say about how MY DAUGHTER is such a disgrace to me?"

I said, "What do I care what_ your_ neighbors say, Mom? Just change the subject to Morelli's dick. You could place bets on where he's going to put it next. That's great gossip fodder." Everybody was chuckling again.

Her mouth flew open, but she wasn't deterred. The woman just couldn't shut up. She had to keep going. "But, you can't have children with this man! They won't be.._white_."

Oh, boy. She went there? I think I heard all five forks drop. I heard a growl and we all looked at Carlos. He was still looking at his food and grimacing. Then we saw movement and turned our head and my Dad was slowly rising from his chair.

"Woman, you dare to insult a guest at my dinner table in that way?"

My mother's mouth flew open in shock and I know mine and Grandma's did. The only thing my Dad ever did at the dinner table was mumble now and then. She ran back in the kitchen and came back with a big glass and opened the bottle of Wild Turkey and filled the glass half full and chugged it. Then she pounded her chest and burped. Now that was a dinner table first. A 'Burg' hostess never does that. That even got Carlos's attention.

I elbowed Carlos and said, "You are aware that our future children just got insulted?"

"Babe, I'm more concerned with how I'm going to get this out of my arteries when I finish this plate of food."

Then we noticed movement coming from my mother's end of the table. She poured another glass of Turkey and downed it and slammed the glass back on the table and glared at Carlos.

She slurred, "You dare insult my pot roast dinner?"

She reached over and stuck her hand in the mashed potatoes and grabbed a handful and slung it at him. His mouth flew open and his blank face definitely dropped and he just sat there stunned and blinking. Hector and Manny started chuckling. My Dad had barely sat down and now he was getting back up.

He pounded his fists on the table. "Have you lost your damn mind, Helen? We don't treat guests that way and I was going to eat some more of those fucking potatoes."

Grandma Mazur said, "Helen, honey, you're getting ready to 'screw the pooch'." Hector and Manny were leaning on each other holding their chests now and guffawing.

I still wasn't feeling too good yet and I looked at Carlos and his shocked face and burst into tears because I knew that he was going to break up with me now. He swiped the potatoes off of his shirt with his napkin and put his arm around me. "Babe, let's go home."

"Why would you want to take me home with you now, Carlos?" I sobbed.

"Because, I don't care if your mother doesn't accept me or our children. I love you anyway and always will."

Hector put on half of his usual scary face and pointed his finger at Mom and said, "Que quiere decir mujer (you mean woman). Bueno que cook, buen (good thing you cook good)." Then he picked up a slab of pot roast and reached over and slapped her with it.

Manny said, "Yeah, and we're not coming to dinner uh... What's on the menu for Tuesday and then I'll tell you if we're coming back?"

Then Hector scowled and slapped him in the face with the slab of meat too.

My Dad said, "Woman, you'll be lucky if I'm here at all on Tuesday. Y joven, maldita sea, Yo iba a comer más que pot roast (And, young man dammit, I was going to eat some more of that pot roast)."

Then my Mom put her glass down and started crying. "I don't understand a gucking thing that all yous people are saying now. Are you talking about me behind my back?"

My little Grandma said, "Helen, I don't think anybody cares about your back or your ass right now." Grandma reached over and patted me.

She said, "You go home with your good man, honey. Everything will be okay."

I raised my eyebrow at Carlos, and he smiled at me and took my elbow and helped me up and we left the table after giving Daddy and Grandma a kiss and we walked out of 'Plum Dinner Hell' together.

We heard a drunken wail as the door shut behind us. "Guck. Why meee?"

TBC -


	14. Chapter 14

Previously -

_She said, "You go home with your good man, honey. Everything will be okay."_

_I raised my eyebrow at Carlos, and he smiled at me and took my elbow and helped me up and we left the table after giving Daddy and Grandma a kiss and we walked out of 'Plum Dinner Hell' together._

_We heard a drunken wail as the door shut behind us. "Guck. Why meee?"_

A/N Dinner was fun, huh? I have to call someone out because I think this is the same person that dogs me now and then and still reads my stuff just to leave ignorant comments that can't even be considered a review. I'm fairly certain this person is not from the U.S. and her grammar and English is pretty darn good, so an English speaking country perhaps.

FYI-If you are going to continue to do this, I'm going to keep pointing out your stupidity. Yo, dodo, Stephanie is the youngest Plum daughter and if you are talking about Val, she's not in this story and we don't care if you hate her or not. And, you lose because the dinner scene was the best part of the chapter.

From: Guest

:I skipped the latter part of this chapter because I don't hate Helen. I hate  
her youngest daughter.

To all my gal pals out there, lets finish this story! Yeah!

**Chapter 14/Epilogue**

I was so upset that I couldn't speak on the way home and Carlos was silent too. This was it. I knew what was coming next. Dickie had Helen on his side and so does Morelli now. Not one of my boyfriends had ever been treated so bad and this one I just really happened to love. He was going to dump me because of my crazy family.

When we got to the apartment, I ran in the kitchen and opened the fridge and started fixing him a healthy meal. I knew he was hungry and I didn't know what else to do to let him know how much I cared for him. He had discarded the potato shirt and was sitting on the couch watching the news on the TV. I brought him the plate with a turkey sandwich and pretzels and a bottle of water and handed it to him. He smiled and pulled me down next to him.

"Thank you, Babe."

"You need fuel for that body of yours. I don't want you to be hungry."

"I'm not going to go hungry."

"Are you going to break up with me?"

"No. Then, I _would_ go hungry." That was sweet and made me smile.

"You really are a special guy, Carlos."

He smiled at me and gave me a gentle kiss. "And, you are a very special woman and I love you very much."

"When the doctor clears me, I want to make little latte colored babies. Lots of them. I want to horrify Helen."

"Babe, you're horrifying me. One or two will be scary enough."

"We'll give them your name, but I want to be unwed and make a good stink."

"Now I'm horrified. You just used unwed, stink and lots of babies together. You could jinx us into having quadruplets."

I blanched and looked down at his crotch. "Oh. Those run in your family? Maybe only half a squirt will do. Can you manage that?"

"No. And Babe, Badasses don't squirt. That doesn't sound manly." I rolled my eyes.

I put my arm around his waist. "You know what I mean. Maybe just give it half the juice and we'll get just two."

He chuckled and took a bite of his sandwich still grinning and then said, "Babe, the things that come out of that pretty little mouth... I think we should just let nature take its course. I look forward to whatever the future brings for us."

He put one big arm around me and finished his sandwich and I snuggled into his side and thought about that and wholeheartedly agreed. I loved my big manly badass that was so sweet to me and treated me so good.

The next afternoon, Carlos called up to the apartment and asked me to come to the garage. He was standing down there with several of the guys when I got there. There was a car covered and with a bow on it in one of the 'primo' spaces. "Babe, this is for you."

A couple of the guys pulled the tarp off the car and I opened my mouth in shock.

There sat my Nova. It was fully restored in baby blue with baby blue two-tone leather seats and chrome wheels. Everything on it was new and restored and it had a muffler. He handed me the keys and I got in and started it up. It sounded hot, moan worthy hot. I jumped out and kissed him and hugged all the guys. "I want to take it to the bonds office to show Lula. She won't believe it!"

Carlos said, "Babe, when you get the chance, check your glove box. There is something in there for you."

"Okay. Carlos, I really love you."

"I know. Have fun but, don't be gone long. You're still healing."

I pulled out of the garage in my Nova and it drove and sounded like a dream. I loved it as much as the poor Lexus.

When I got to the bonds office, I went in and squealed at Lula and Connie. "You gotta' come see!"

Lula came out and said, "You bought a new car? That's a fine ride."

"No. Lula, this is my Nova..."

She made a face and walked around the car. "Nuh uh, girl."

"Yeah, it is. Carlos got it restored for me."

"Girl, that is one fine ass ride now. You be lookin' good in that machine."

"You want to go for a spin?"

"Hell yeah!"

Connie said, "Let me go tell Vinnie we'll be back soon."

We took off down the road and decided to stop for ice cream. When we pulled in, I remembered Carlos telling me that something was in the glove box.

"Hey Lula, open the glove box. Carlos said there was something in there for me." Her eyes got big and she slowly pulled out a little box wrapped in a ribbon. Connie erupted, "Fuck girl, that looks like a ring box to me."

Lula said, "Here. Hurry and open it!"

I just sat staring at it in shock. "Nuh..uh."

"Let me have the fucking thing, I'll open it," Connie said from the back seat.

"Take it girl, it might _not_ be a ring."

I said, "Nope. It could be a ring."

Connie reached out and snatched the box. "I'm gonna' open it. The suspense is making me crazy here." She pulled the ribbon and started to flip it open and I couldn't look. I turned my head just as she screamed and yelled out, "Ho-ly crap balls!"

Then Lula yelled, "Damn, my eyes! Turn it off! I ain't never seen nothing that bright." Then I just had to turn around.

It was a good thing I wasn't driving when they pulled that out. It was a ring and like nothing that I had ever seen before. I'm sure the band was platinum and it was engraved and came up to meet the diamond setting like a blooming lotus flower. The petals had little diamonds inside and in the middle sat a huge round diamond and it was a sparkler. I just sat stunned and blinking at it. Connie said, "I'm fixing to shit fireballs I'm so red with envy. I introduced you to that stud. Now, you get to marry him and have all that hot all the time. Fuck me!"

Lula said, "Put it on, girl."

I gulped. "Nuh..uh. Put it back in there." Talking about babies and the future is one thing. Seeing that was totally different all together.

"What the hell do you mean? Fuckin' cat's out of the bag now. Ain't no puttin' it back."

"Just put it back for now and lets go in and get the ice cream." Both women rolled their eyes at me.

That night at dinner Carlos and I were both quiet. He didn't ask me about the ring and I didn't bring it up. "I love the Nova. It's really fun to drive. I still feel bad about the Lexus. I know you spent a lot on both cars."

He shrugged. "Babe, it was just a car. I'm going to replace it for you. This time you can pick what you want."

"Oh, no. I only need one car."

He said, "The Nova is for fun. A restored vehicle like that is really not a car you want to drive every day. You won't want to take it out in the winter and drive it in the snow. We'll keep it covered in the garage."

"Oh. I guess I understand. I love you. Thank you."

"Babe, I love you and I like making you happy. I hope you'll let me keep doing it."

I was getting stir crazy so I started spending time down in the control room and getting to know Carlos's men. He had some of them start training me to do some small computer jobs to occupy my time. Just doing research on fugitives and new security clients. I went to lunch with a different group every day unless Carlos wanted to join me.

Carlos busted a few of us for eating contraband one afternoon. I had hidden some Tastykakes in the break room and walked up on Tank sneaking one of my butterscotch krimpets. I tip-toed up right behind him and cleared my throat really loud and snickered as the big man jumped a half foot in the air. We had just taken our first bite of a cake and Hal walked in. He's about the same size as Tank, just a different flavor. He looked at our full mouths and guilty faces and walked over and stuck his hand in the box. So, now the three of us are chewing and Lester walks in and he stands there with his hands on his hips for a minute and then walks over and gets a cake out of the box.

This went on until the second box was open and_ the boss_ walked in and Bobby Brown who was behind a couple of the guys, swallowed his cake down and whimpered and said, "Shit! Hide me. I'm the one he'll smash the worst on the mats for this." So, what are friends for except to have your back and we all scooted closer together and hid him.

Ranger stood there with his hands on his hips and the corners of his mouth were twitching. He said, "You can play boys, but you gotta' pay. If you play with Stephanie, you'll pay often. Babe, keep your Tastykakes in the apartment. And, Brown, I see your boots."

Behind us, we heard, "Fuck!" We all started laughing, even Carlos.

A few days later, Carlos took me to my female doctor and I was cleared for most normal activities including sex and light exercise. It had been getting harder and harder not to do the deed. We couldn't just snuggle and go to sleep and our foreplay was getting more aggressive every night. When my doctor asked me if I wanted a birth control shot, I turned to Carlos.

"What do you want sweet man?"

"Babe, I told you. Whatever you want, I'll give you."

"I think I want to see if we can do it." He just winked at me and nodded and I told the doctor to put her needle away.

Carlos had Ella make her version of chicken alfredo with crusty bread and we had wine. He had brought me fresh red roses when he came up to the apartment. He showered and changed and lit some candles and put soft music on. Gotta' love a guy that's hot and romantic.

After dinner, Carlos had used the massage oil and then commenced to love me to exhaustion and now he was just holding me against him and rubbing circles on my back. He reached behind him and opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out that little ring box and wiggled it at me.

"I have been half afraid that you would run this week. I knew you saw this and I wanted to give you some time to think about it. We don't have to talk about marriage yet. I decided that I didn't want to start making your little latte babies without a promise to you. This is my promise. It says that you're mine and I'm yours. Please wear my ring, Babe."

I smiled at him and kissed him. "Well, when you put it like that, sweet man…" He slipped the lotus blossom ring on my finger and gave me a tender and loving kiss and lingered there for a moment and whispered, "My Babe. Mine."

THE END

/Babe HEA Boom!

I hope you liked this silly little remake of the original. It was fun to write. I got my original book finished and I'm looking into publishing options. What this means for you guys is that I have a little more time to write more fanfic. So, I'm writing a Halloween tale called 'Dance with a Devil' a Babe and I am going to finish Babe and the Beast, the vamp story. I already had like ten chaps completed on it anyway. So both of these will go up soon.

Thanks for reading me, chicks!

FYI-My original book is called 'Way to Go' and is like this style of my writing. Rated about the same with kooky characters, including animals, romance, drama and intrigue and lots of laughs. It is not dark and does have twists, but not the really dramatic ones you're used to with me. Let you know when to look for it.


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